And if you say hide, we'll hide
by natural selection
Summary: Pearl unknowingly spoke to Lapis each day while she was trapped in the mirror, preventing her from corrupting. Now she's free, and Lapis is feeling increasingly conflicted about the strange feelings she has for the Crystal Gem. Spoilers, multi-chaptered, eventual pearlapis.
1. In which Lapis talks to Pearl

COVER (fullsize): link on my bio :)

This is **super spoilery** , just a heads up!

I've also incorporated a few of my own headcanons from the first version of this story before the new episodes came out. I'll probably add more info as it's released too, but some of them I am keeping. **Rose is going to be more morally ambiguous in this than she is in the** **show** , and as such I've added little extra explanations as to why she did stuff that aren't touched upon in the show.If you don't like these being in this then please just ignore those pieces or don't read. Regardless they aren't the main focus of the story.

I _have_ edited Rose Quartz out of being a diamond however :)

* * *

Staring at the ocean was a small island of calm in Lapis Lazuli's life.

A week prior, the Crystal Gems had found Malachite, and in the ensuing battle, had transformed into the intimidating form of Alexandrite and split the fusion apart. Lapis was told that she was the only survivor, that Jasper had fallen down through a crack that had opened in the earth. She hoped dearly that she was dead and gone, but had little faith. If Jasper's memories were to be believed, then she had lived through far worse with barely a scratch.

While Lapis had briefly entertained the notion of flying back to Homeworld, the memory of what they had done to her when she last returned was still fresh in her mind. Becoming Malachite had saved Steven and the Gem's lives, and while she was glad she had protected them, the pain of being stuck in the fusion had been unbearable and tiring; so much so that her resilience had slipped when she needed it most and they had formed a true fusion. It was a mistake that she would hopefully never make again.

Life on the earth was not as bad as she had imagined it though. Steven's face was a friendly one, and she appreciated his company. The Crystal Gems however seemed to tolerate her, and nothing more. To her surprise they were far more preoccupied with the startlingly familiar face of Peridot, who had apparently decided to defer to the enemy. It was amusing to say the least, and the comedic value of watching her former captor prance about without her limb enhancers was almost worth being stuck on the planet. Almost.

It was regardless way too much. After all, these were the people who had imprisoned Lapis in the mirror for millennia, and had apparently taken in the brattiest homeworld gem into their ranks too! As much as some of the trio had thanked her for dealing with Jasper, Lapis was certain that Garnet held a mild dislike of her for 'abusing' fusion, as if her component parts were not abusing it themselves.

Lapis frowned, scrunching up sand between her toes. Whatever.

The orange hues of sunset were beginning to edge their way up from the horizon as the sun sank, and Lapis wondered how long she had spent sitting there. The scent of dinner wafted over to her, signifying that Steven would be eating soon. Perhaps that would be a good time to return to the temple; if he was distracted then he was less likely to ambush her... or alternatively he would attempt to get the gem to share his meal again. Lapis shuddered at the thought.

"Lapis!" called a voice from behind her. The ocean gem froze, then curled up tighter. Pearl. "Lapis, ah, Steven wanted to know if you would like to join in on our family games night. And don't worry, we've got Peridot on the leash so the absolute worst she could do is verbally harass you!"

"Leave me alone," replied Lapis, having no interest in talking. All Pearl would do is apologise and trip over her words until Lapis' patience grew thin and she would leave. All of their prior conversations had lasted a few lines at most before ending abruptly.

"Ahh," That was clearly not the answer the Crystal Gem had wanted. "You know, you really don't need to be so flighty about the temple, Peridot is safely tied up, and Jasper is _long_ gone, so there's no chance of-"

"What part of 'leave me alone' didn't you get?" Lapis repeated, turning to face Pearl with a scowl. Her temper was shorter than it had been thanks to the recent events, and the gem before her was one who had been a main conspirator in her imprisonment.

"Well, let me know if there's anything more we can do to accommodate you. I would hate for you to feel uncomfortable. I know you don't want to live in the barn because it's Peridot's space but there must be somewhere we can find…"

"You don't get it, do you? It's not Jasper or Peridot who are making me uncomfortable, it's you and the other Crystal Gems! They may have held me prisoner, but at least Peridot admits to what she did, which is more than what can be said about you and the others," said Lapis Lazuli. She turned back to watch the sunset, avoiding Pearl's distressed gaze. "How many times do we need to have this conversation? Just go away, you don't understand."

Pearl shuffled awkwardly, holding one arm close to her chest, before she lowered herself down to sit beside the other gem. "Lapis, if I had _known_ you were still conscious in there I... I would never have used you. I promise."

"You knew I was in there as much as the others. I'm not going to forgive you, so stop trying," Lapis snorted.

"I'm a _pearl_ , I know more than anyone what it's like to be treated as an object. That's what I've spent my whole life doing. Trust me, I would have taken you out immediately." Pearl said softly, adopting the same position as Lapis, hugging her knees to her chest. "No one ever saw me as anything more... except Rose-"

"And you fell in love with her and everything was amazing and perfect, I know! I lived in your room. You asked me to show you her at least a dozen times a day!" mocked the ocean gem, amused at the embarrassed flush that lit Pearl's cheeks. "But _she_ kept falling for human after human instead, leaving you more and more lonely."

"Stop that," said Pearl, her voice low.

"Until she finally lost it completely and had whatever Steven is with one of them. And now she's dead!"

"I said stop it!" she repeated, more forceful. "I didn't know you were in there, I'm sorry, okay? What more can I do to make you understand that?"

"You could stop pretending that Rose was some sort of wonderful heroic person."

"What do you mean?" questioned Pearl. "I'm not pretending; she was a hero."

"A hero?" Lapis snorted. "Would a hero trap a live gem in a mirror?"

Pearl's already pale skin got even lighter, before she stood up.

"How... how dare you! Rose, she would never do that!"

"Why don't you ask Garnet and Amethyst. They were there." Lapis mumbling, resting her chin on her knees again. "I don't want to upset you, but there's a lot you don't know about Rose."

The taller gem clenched and unclenched her fists, before she stormed off back to the temple, muttering angrily under her breath as she went.

Lapis did not move for the entire night.

She wanted to believe what Pearl was saying, she really did. While trapped in the mirror, the only thing she really had to look forward to was Pearl's daily talks where she would ask Lapis to show her Rose, and rehearse proclaiming her love for her. It began with the pearl simply practicing her lines, before returning a while later, frustrated and clearly unable to say anything, yet after a few years of lacking the courage to do anything about her feelings, Pearl began to talk to the mirror as a sort of journal. The first day of being used as a journal, Pearl had seemed to finally gather the guts to talk to Rose, and returned not long after, furious and ranting about how the object of her affections had picked up some human and decided that he was her true love. Greedy for some enrichment to her otherwise boring life, Lapis would lap up the words Pearl offered, unable to do anything but listen.

There were multiple humans in Rose's life, each one the object of vicious scorn and derision by Pearl as she would describe in (probably over exaggerated) detail their appearance, life choices and so on. At first it brought Lapis Lazuli a dark sense of joy, as seeing her captor in such obvious torment was exactly what she deserved. But as time went on she began to feel more and more sorry for the Crystal Gem, and decided that it was likely a result of having only one living thing to interact with. All feelings of pity were suppressed to the best of her ability when Steven rescued her, however.

The earth game she had played with the gems had been far more fun than she had expected, but regardless of how enjoyable it was, playing with the gems had sapped the enthusiasm from her.

As the sun began to cast its light across the mirrored surface of the ocean, a thick, fluffy object was thrown over her shoulders. She jumped in shock, having been deep in thought.

"Hey Lapis!" Steven beamed as he sat down next her. "I figured you might be cold so I brought you a blanket."

"Thank you, Steven," the gem replied with a soft smile. "But gems don't really get cold. Not on earth anyway."

"Oh, yeah the gems tell me that a lot, but still, nothing beats being all wrapped up in a blanket." The boy said in a very matter-of-fact tone.

Lapis giggled. "I'll have to take your word for it I guess."

"It's a tortilla blanket. You remember my cheeseburger backpack and hotdog kit bag don't you?" After Lapis' somewhat hesitant nod, Steven continued. "Well it's by the same company! I find it interesting that they've branched out into blankets, but it's a change that I for one entirely welcome."

"Pff, you sound just like Pearl when she has one of her moments."

"Really?" gasped Steven, his eyes lighting up. It was clear that he held a lot of respect for the gems. "Hey, Lapis? Um, speaking of her, did you upset Pearl yesterday?"

Lapis Lazuli frowned, "She upset herself. It's not my fault she can't accept the truth."

"The truth about what?" he asked, looking at her with his huge eyes.

The truth involved his mother, but he was just a child, and he was no where near ready to hear the reality of the situation.

"Oh, just boring gem stuff, it wouldn't interest you," said Lapis, a somewhat sad smile on her face.

"That's what Pearl said too... Hey you two need to make up so we can all be a big family again!"

"Again?"

"Yeah! I wish I could have spoken to Jasper some mor-"

"No," Lapis said firmly, looking Steven in the eyes. "She was one of yellow diamond's elite. You wouldn't have been able to do anything to help her."

"Why not? Peridot is fine now, I'm sure I could have worked the old Steven magic on Jasper too!"

"No you _couldn_ _'_ _t_ ," Lapis replied, shaking her head. "Peridot is just some dumb kid who doesn't understand the complexity of everything going on around her. She never _was_ bad, just really stupid with a mean streak. But Jasper... Jasper fought in the rebellion, she killed countless gems and took pleasure in it. She tortured them for information and... I'm sorry, Steven, just trust me when I say that she is nothing but evil. I was fused with her. I saw horrible things."

Lapis fixed her gaze firmly on the sand, digging her nails into her palms until her mind cleared of the images Jasper had shown her.

"Okay, Lapis. I promise I won't ever talk to her!" Steven smiled, hugging her, though regardless of his promise she decided to keep an eye on the kid. He was too kind for his own good; it was just as well Jasper was probably dead.

"Thank you," the gem replied wearily. "You'd better go get lunch, or whichever meal it is you eat in the morning."

"It's breakfast! Do you want to come with me to pick up donuts? I'll get you one too," he said, hoping his offer would entice her. "They're making them fresh in store now too!"

"Sorry Steven, but eating is still gross to me!"

"Aww," he pouted. "Bye, Lapis!"

The gem waved at him as he walked away, before turning back to the sea. After a while she felt almost as if she was being watched, she whipped her head round just in time to catch a tall figure scrambling back into the temple house.

Well, she needed to take the blanket back inside anyway, and after the thinking she had done the night before she decided that it was time to clear the air between the more amiable Crystal Gem and herself.

"Pearl!" Lapis shouted after finding the door was locked. "I know you're there! Let me in!"

There was no response, but after a few seconds the sound of footsteps approached the door.

"Well well well! If it isn't my informant," laughed Peridot, her obnoxious expression leering at her through the screen door.

"How does it feel to be the prisoner, Peridot?" Lapis said with a smirk.

"Gah! How dare you, _I_ am an honourary Crystal Gem!" Peridot said, puffing her chest out with pride and pointing to the gold star sticker on her leotard that Steven had given her. "Which is more than can be said for the likes of you."

"If that's true then why are you on a lead?" replied Lapis wryly. After the spaceship incident where the pair had somewhat made up, they had settled into a sarcastic, biting sense of humour towards the other. It made dealing with the problems between the two of them a little easier.

"Because apparently it'll help you feel more comfortable or whatever. Look, the gems like me, which is more than can be said for you."

" _They_ like you? I think you mean Steven likes you."

"Amethyst thinks I'm funny!"

Lapis smirked, "She's not the only one who likes to laugh at you. You look ridiculous without your limb enhancers."

"Well of course, we were made to have shorter limbs precisely so we could use limb enhancers," Peridot pouted.

"Sure, if it makes you feel better."

"Urk, well either way, Amethyst is my friend and that's one more than you so NEHHHH!" Peridot bragged, sticking her tongue out at Lapis.

"Ugh! Open the door you little brat!" Lapis shouted, yanking on the door handle.

" _Peridot_!" The green gem was yanked back into the darkness of the house. "That is not how we treat our guests! I'm sorry, Lapis, come in."

Lapis Lazuli's eyes quickly adjusted to the darker interior and saw Pearl dragging a cackling Peridot away from the door. On the table was a big board game with small houses on top, and a number of wads of money surrounding it.

"Is there something you wanted or were you looking for Steven?"

"Can we talk somewhere?" Lapis asked, throwing the blanket on the sofa. "In private?"

"Hey, I'm a Crystal Gem too! Why can't I hear?"

"Peridot still doesn't understand the concept of personal space," smiled Garnet, sitting at the table folding shirts. She then turned to address the shorter gem, "Leave 'em alone."

"Pearl?"

"Of... of course, Lapis," Pearl replied, clearly surprised. "Well, come with me."

They took the warp pad, a thick silence between the two as they travelled. The taller gem looked exhausted, perhaps she needed more of that 'sleep' Steven kept recommending. Lapis herself looked much the same, but due to her reluctance to look in mirrors after being trapped in one, she had no clue how tired she looked.

"Are you okay?" Lapis asked, startling Pearl.

"I'm fine, we've just been very busy the past few weeks what with the cluster and Malachite, though at least we don't need to worry about you anymore, " Pearl said with a soft smile.

"You were worried about me? Why?"

"Why? You were trapped down there with Jasper, of course we were worried. You were free finally, and you were trapped again. Lapis, I know you don't believe me about not knowing you were in the mirror, but I was happy for you, knowing that you were free after I'd kept you trapped in there for so long, and," Pearl's voice lowered until it was barely more than a mumble, as she wrung the hem of her top tightly between her hands. "I wish I could have come with you, just for a bit..."

"What?" Lapis gasped, before land came up below them and she smacked hard onto the teleporter. Beside her, Pearl landed gracefully. "Why would you want to come with _me_? Do you hate earth that much?"

"I don't want to leave earth, but I miss travelling through space," the Pearl explained as she marched through the thick undergrowth with ease, Lapis Lazuli followed her the best she could but her skirt got caught every few seconds on the thorns and abundant twigs. Clearly Pearl's form fitting outfit was far more useful in such terrain, though why she had chosen to teleport to such a forested area was beyond Lapis.

"Pearl, can you slow down? Pearl!"

The Crystal Gem turned, giving her a confused look.

"Sorry, but we have to go fast. One of the others are doubtlessly following us." Pearl muttered, more to herself than to the other gem.

"Oh! Well in that case, hold on tight." Lapis summoned her wings before scooping up Pearl and shooting up into the sky. Sure enough a small purple figure dashed out to where they had been stood moments before.

"Ouaaaah! Put me down! This isn't safe at all!" Pearl cried, looping her arms so tightly around Lapis' neck that the latter was glad she did not need to breathe.

"Where did you want to go?" Lapis asked.

"Ah, just over there," Pearl mumbled, motioning towards a distant mountain side with her foot, refusing to loosen her arms. "How fast can you go? The sooner we land the better."

Lapis smirked, before pushing her wings harder and harder, the ground a blur beneath them. The air on her face cleared her head, and Lapis could not help but grin a little at the speed.

They arrived in a matter of seconds, Lapis gently depositing a frazzled Pearl on the floor before landing beside her. She smirked at how the earlier scenario from the teleporter had been reversed.

The mountain Pearl had picked was admittedly beautiful, with the early morning air refreshing on her skin, complimenting the warmth of the sun on the back of her head. Before her stretched a valley between blue peaks, forests, fields and houses sprinkled about.

"So, how was it? Think any of your Crystal Gems could follow that?"

"I'd, ah, be surprised… It's a five-hour hike to get out here from the pad even for me. I forgot how fast Lapis Lazuli's could go." mumbled Pearl as she smoothed her hair back into place before noticing Lapis' gawking at the world around her. "It's nice here, isn't it?"

"Yeah, it is. What are those green things again?"

"Trees. They create the oxygen that the life forms here are so reliant on through a reaction called photosynthesis. It's amazing actually! So-"

Lapis interrupted the other gem, amused at how excited the other was. "I'm just a messenger gem, Pearl. If you want to talk science, then you should have grabbed Peridot."

"Ah, excuse me. I do get a bit carried away sometimes…"

"Where are we anyway?"

"This is somewhere in the Alps, in Europe. It's on a completely different continent to where we were before in North America. It's peaceful," Pearl smoothed her hair away from her face, though it was soon blown all over the place again. "I often used to hike around here to clear my head before Steven was born. After that I didn't really have time since we always had to be on hand. It's nice being back though."

They sat in silence for a bit, watching the birds flitter about, and the distant cattle graze, the sound of their bells carrying through the air to them.

"Sorry, what was it that you wanted to talk about?" Pearl asked, having been distracted by the view.

"Well, I did some thinking last night and… I may be willing to believe that you didn't know I was trapped in the mirror," Lapis said, averting her eyes from Pearl's probing gaze, before folding her arms and laughing somewhat self-consciously. "I mean, really, what kind of pearl would blab on into a mirror about her weird obsession with her superior if she thought someone would be on the other side having to listen to all of it."

Pearl's hand moved to cover her mouth, shocked.

"Thank you for trusting me, Lapis," she smiled, a hint of green brushing across her cheeks. "I really am sorry for being such a pain all those centuries. It must have been a bore having to listen to me blather on."

"Actually, I uh… it kind of kept me sane," Lapis shrugged, a little bashful. Her abdomen felt strange, though she put it down to the nerves of talking about her time in the mirror. "Do you know what it's like to be trapped in an artefact like that?"

"I can't say that I do."

"It's horrible. You live in fractals; the world was an endless web of mirror lined corridors, each one showing a different memory of mine. I tried to get out, but there was nothing else. And half the time it felt like there was something else in there, trying to find me… I never saw it other than shadows at the end of a corridor but…" Lapis bit her lip, trying to control the fear rising up in her chest from recalling her time in the mirror. To her surprise, she felt a hand rest softly on her shoulder and jumped, prompting Pearl to quickly remove it, looking away awkwardly. "Sorry, I'm just… jumpy, you know?"

"No no, I'm the one who's sorry."

"Um, so I was initially turned into this by Homeworld, and they questioned me over information on you, but when they realised I knew nothing they dropped the mirror at the galaxy warp, where I was broken. And that's where you found me, before giving me to Rose as a gift."

"That's right," said Pearl, looking almost smug. "I found you and gave you to Rose, before she gave you back a while later as she thought I could do with a mirror more. See! None of us knew."

Lapis shook her head, staring at her feet.

"Rose initially used me for information, just like Homeworld did, and like them she realised I didn't know anything. She then used me as a test; she wanted to make a method to fix her cracked, corrupted gems. When she freed me, I thought it was finally over, but instead she spent a decade trying all sorts of stuff on my gem to fix it," Lapis laughed nervously. "I mean, I wouldn't have minded if she had asked, and treated me like a fellow gem. But the way she stared at me, it was like I was just some experiment to her. Either way she couldn't fix me, so she stuck me back onto the mirror and gave me to you, making Garnet and Amethyst swear not to tell you a thing. She figured it would upset you."

To Lapis Lazuli's surprise, Pearl did not argue against anything she had said, but instead let out a sigh.

"I'm sorry, Lapis. I don't know what to say…"

"The mirror world was horrible, and knowing that she condemned me to live there for the rest of my life… I almost lost myself. Then I heard your voice, asking me to show you Rose, snapping me back to reality. I wanted to show you what she had done to me so badly but, I couldn't, whatever she had done to me prevented me from doing that," Lapis hugged her legs to her chest, then continued softly. "At first it made me so angry, thinking that you had trapped me in this mirror just to fawn over the gem who had done all this to me. But then as time went on I began to look forward to you talking to me; it had been so long since someone had just spoken to me as a friend, even if you were really just talking to yourself. It distracted me from the memories and the mirrors, and when I listened to you I could block out the shadows in the background."

"Lapis, I-"

"I _know_. I shouldn't have listened. But you were the only real thing in the world. If it wasn't for you I would have forgotten I was in a mirror at all and corrupted like all the other gems you have bubbled in the basement."

It was the most Lapis had ever said to her, and certainly more than the usual 'leave me alone'. Peal wrung her hands, wishing she was less awkward so she could attempt to comfort the smaller gem. If only Steven had been there, he would know what to do. But then, if Steven _had_ been with them then Lapis Lazuli may not have talked.

"It's not that I don't trust you, but you have to understand that I need to ask the others about this," said Pearl. "Sorry."

Lapis shrugged. "The fact you trust me enough to ask the others about it is more than I expected, to be honest."

After a few minutes of awkward silence, Lapis offered to take them back to the warp pad. When they returned to the temple, Steven was sat before the warp pad expectantly, Peridot peering over his shoulder, and quickly pounced on them with what seemed to be a prepared set of questions.

"You're back! Where did you go? What were you doing? What did you talk about? Was it about when you were in the mirror?" Steven asked, tripping over his words a little in his excitement. He then took a deep breath. "Are you friends now?"

"We were just having a chat, Steven," replied Pearl, resting a hand on his head. "Amethyst, Garnet. Come with me please."

The Crystal Gems walked onto the warp pad and teleported off, leaving only Peridot, Lapis Lazuli and Steven in the temple.

"So, Lapis-" Peridot began, but before she had time to finish her sentence Lapis had already left the room, tailed by a still curious Steven. "Rude."

"Hey Lapis, where did you and Pearl go?"

"We just went to talk about stuff, don't worry about it, Steven," Lapis said, and upon noticing Steven being unable to keep up, slowed her pace. "We just had stuff that needed talking about."

"Like how she found your mirror?"

"Yes," Lapis replied softly. "It's nothing you need to worry about though."

"Oh okay, if you're sure!" It was clear that Steven was still going to be concerned about it though. "Hey, while the others are out, do you wanna play a game?"

Lapis pondered the question, then asked dryly, "Would I have to play it with Peridot?"

"Maaaaaybe, if that's alright with you?"

"I don't know, Steven…"

"Aww come on! I know you'd get along if you just try! Peridot has _really_ changed, you saw it! And she's really funny now… well… she's sometimes funny. I thought you two were okay now anyway?"

Well it was not as if she had anything else to do, and the gem's insides were feeling funny again at the thought of the Crystal Gems talking about her abuse at the hands of Rose Quartz. If playing a game with Steven and Peridot was what would take her mind off the churning sensation in her insides then she would give it a go, albeit somewhat reluctantly.

"Okay, but keep her at the opposite end of the table."

"Deal!" Steven stuck his hand out, clearly expecting something. Lapis placed her hand on top of his, confused. "You shake it! It's to seal the deal."

"Oh, okay then." They shook hands, before heading back to the temple.

Peridot really was a lot more bearable than she had been, but Lapis supposed that it was mostly due to the fact that she was no longer under constant stress from the terrifying Jasper. In fact, she seemed almost like a different gem to the distant, serious Peridot that had grabbed her on Homeworld to use as an informant.

"Okay, so we have Pythons and Stairs, Citchen Calamity, Battle Submarines… um, Letter Scramble… any of those tickle your fancy?" Steven called, head deep in the cupboard under the stairs.

"Oooh! Citchen Calamity!" Peridot squealed, already overexcited. It was strangely refreshing to see her so carefree and acting like the very young gem that she was.

"I dunno, Peridot. The rules are pretty complicated for a first time player. Even Garnet gets confused," Steven replied, voice muffled as he dug for more games under the vacuum cleaner. "Maybe we should go for an easier one like Letter Scramble. What do you think, Lapis?"

"I don't mind!" she said sheepishly, holding her hands up. "I'll go for whatever."

"Yeah, don't insult Lapis' intelligence!" Peridot handed her a thick wad of paper. It was clear that Peridot felt bad for her treatment of the blue gem and was trying to make up for it. "Here, these are the rules, just say when you're done reading, 'kay?"

"Um…" Lapis stared at the pages, trying to make sense of the squiggles.

"What's wrong, Lapis?" asked Steven, who had climbed out of the cupboard. "If they're too confusing we can play something else!"

"I, uh…"

"Oh, of course! Lapis Lazuli's are messengers. They aren't taught to read so they can't snoop about in the messages they carry."

"You don't have to rub it in…" Lapis pouted, embarrassed. "And I _can_ read, just not very well."

"You shouldn't be ashamed of it! It's simply the way you were built," Peridot drawled in an attempt to comfort Lapis. She almost appreciated it. "But if I can learn to use my actual hands and feet, and a _Pearl_ can learn to be something other than an ornament, then who's to say you can't learn to read properly?"

"Yeah, we'll teach you Lapis!" Steven announced proudly. "But for now I think Pythons and Stairs would be best. Here, I'll explain the rules!"

The concept of the game was simple, and Lapis soon picked up the hang of it. Despite Peridot boldly claiming that she had 'figured out' how to win at it using logic, Steven thrashed her at the first game through sheer luck alone, with Lapis coming in a close second. Peridot on the other hand kept getting unlucky dice rolls on the final hurdle, resulting in her sliding down twenty places. They played another few rounds due to the 'sheer injustice of being beaten by a pair of clods' before they moved onto a drawing game.

"Hmm, this is hard when we're from different planets…" Steven mumbled, chewing the end of the pen as he thought of something to draw. "What's something that all planets have… Oh! Got it."

In the middle of the page he drew a circle, then added several lines radiating from it. At the silence from the two gems, he frowned, then added a pair of sunglasses to the circle and a smile.

"Steven, what _is_ that supposed to be?" Peridot asked.

"It's the sun! See, those are the rays of sunlight coming off it, and he has sunglasses to protect his eyes."

"Why does it need to wear sunglasses?" said Lapis. "Aren't they to protect your eyes from the sun?"

Peridot thought about it, then chortled, "Maybe it has self confidence issues."

They shared a giggle, Steven pouting at them before the warp pad sounded, and the Crystal Gems landed in the room. Pearl and Garnet both swiftly went further into the temple, with only Amethyst lingering to check up on them.

"Wow, everything's still in one piece! Good job, Peri."

"Yes, well, they were well behaved," the green gem replied nonchalantly, but it was obvious she was happy with the compliment. "The temple is safe under my command. I keep telling you."

"Well behaved? You're the youngest gem in the room other than Steven. Come talk to me like that when you reach a century," Lapis said, rolling her eyes but ignoring Amethyst. While Pearl's company was somewhat bearable due to her company in the mirror, the other two Crystal Gems still made her uncomfortable. "That was fun, Steven, but I'm going to go outside now."

"Aww. See you later then, Lapis."

With a small smile and a wave, Lapis Lazuli left the small house before the temple. Shutting the screen door behind her she turned to face the sea, enjoying how it felt on her skin but still not quite ready to go flying over it. She imagined that Pearl and Garnet were having further discussions inside, and did not expect to see either of them until the morning. Steven was in somewhat capable hands though, so she felt little need to worry for his welfare.

Humans were so delicate, it was so alien to Lapis that a living thing could be squishy to the extent Steven was, and to not even have inbuilt armour! Not to mention that the needs to 'eat' and 'drink' was odd as well. Both were habits Amethyst had picked up, and Lapis pondered their appeal often, completely unable to figure out why the gem had taken them up, but supposed it was due to Rose supposedly getting them all to shape shift internal organs. Weird.

She sat herself down on the sand and resumed her position of watching.

* * *

 **A/N:** Hello!

This is going to a medium length story but I've not done one before, so please excuse any pacing issues and so on, I'm not used to writing anything that isn't super long :s I know it's a bit cheesy, especially the beginning but after rewriting it several times I decided to leave it.

A lot of the things in this are headcanons I like, such as the whole Rose being darker than it's let on in the show, and Peridot being a child or very young gem, hence why I had her acting more like a little kid in this.

It's going to be a few chapters long, but updates could be slow as I'm still finishing another fanfic! I'm going to try and mostly stick to canon with this, but in general it'll just a generic 'there's a bit of drama but a happy ending' fic. Also I'll draw a cover for it when i get round to it! :)

Thank you for reading, hopefully you enjoyed it and it didn't seem too rushed 38)


	2. In which Lapis receives a flower crown

The next morning, she felt a gentle tap on her shoulder, and turned to find Pearl.

"I thought I'd find you here."

Pearl looked even worse than the day before.

"Are you okay?" Lapis asked, genuinely concerned for her wellbeing. "You look awful."

"Oh, I'll be fine," Pearl dismissed. "Could you come with me please? I want to talk again, and you're a lot faster than walking…"

They travelled to the same location as the day before on the warp pad, with Lapis picking up Pearl and flying her out to a yellow field in the distance.

They sat in silence for a while, not knowing what to say to the other, when Lapis asked, "What are these?"

"Hm? Oh, those are dandelions. They're technically weeds but they do look lovely all together like this, don't they," Pearl smiled, clearly glad for Lapis' attempt at conversation. "When the flower is finished, they turn into these lovely, fluffy seed heads. The humans make wishes on them."

"I think I understood maybe three words in that sentence," Lapis snorted. "You used to pick these for your room didn't you?"

"Yes, I did! I'm surprised you remembered that."

Lapis shrugged.

"One time I brought Steven up here… well carried him here anyway, his legs were too little to do the walk on his own. He made me the most _adorable_ flower crown."

"What's that?"

"It's a piece of headwear made by weaving the stems of the flowers together. Hang on a second…" Pearl quickly plucked a number of dandelions and deftly began to weave them together, tongue sticking out a little as she worked.

The sun was rising higher in the sky and the air had heated considerably, small insects dancing in the air above the flowers. A bumblebee lazily made its way through the air, settling on a flower beside Lapis before labouring up and off again, it's body covered in specks of bright yellow pollen.

"How are the plants different to the animal things?" Lapis asked.

"Ah!" Pearl seemed completely in her element, forgetting the flower crown in her hands for a moment, then began work on it once more. "Well on this planet the life forms are split into several different kingdoms, and to vastly simplify it, you have life made up of a single cell, and then another section made up of life with a different sort of composition. This section is split off into several more kinds, one of these is the animal kingdom which humans are in, and another is plants, and there are a few more."

"So… Steven to this plant is like me to a sapphire?" Lapis replied, confused by what Pearl was saying.

"Oh, no no. Life on earth isn't made like we are. They evolved. It's strange, but do you know what Steven is?"

"Hmm, I do recall you getting very angry and ranting about what happened to make him to me after Rose broke the news," the blue gem said with a smirk. "But other than that not really."

"It's disgusting really. How to explain this in terms you'd understand, hmm… It's almost as if a pair of living things on earth make a fusion together, only it's permanent. Then that fusion and another fusion create their own fusion, and that one is a mixture of the two fusions and so on."

"Oh, that's pretty weird. But wouldn't you just result in one huge fusion at the end of it?"

"No, the fusion is separate to the component parts. See that tree there, imagine the base of it is the first living thing on earth, it splits off into two branches – the fusions –then those two branches each split into their own two fusions, and so on. At the end of it you create millions of different end results from that one life form."

"Ah!" Lapis puffed out her chest with pride. "I know this one, Steven was explaining about his and his friend's families to me earlier. The flowers are related to him. They're Stevens sister, right?"

"No, a sister is a fusion from the same parents as you. But they are related! You're getting the right idea, it's just very very far back. They last shared the same 'parents' several million years ago."

"Oh good, I was worried he would get upset with me for picking them."

"Ahh, no! No need to worry Lapis. Plants do not feel pain to our knowledge. And regardless, the flower is only a small part of the plant," Pearl smiled at her, and Lapis felt an odd sensation in her stomach. "Anyway, this is a flower crown!"

Pearl placed it atop her head, little fingers sticking out as she held it, then looked over at Lapis, somewhat embarrassed. "How does it look?"

"It's… nice, I think."

At this, Pearl took it off her head and handed it over to Lapis with a smile. "Here, I think it would suit you a lot more than me."

Lapis frowned; the last time she had gotten a present she acted on impulse and crushed Peridot's beloved tape recorder. She was surprised that Pearl trusted her with the flower crown, but none the less gently put it on.

"That shade of yellow really suits you," Pearl commented. Lapis felt her cheeks heating up, and quickly turned away so the other gem would not see. "Did I say something wrong, sorry?"

"N-no, I'm fine!" Change the topic, change the topic. "So what did you want to talk about?"

Lapis could hear Pearl moving, so she turned back again to see that Pearl had pulled her legs up to her chest, eyes unable to meet Lapis'.

"Garnet showed me everything."

That was all Lapis needed to hear, and she could tell from Pearl's expression that the gem was heartbroken. She had no idea what to say though, as Lapis always imagined that she would feel a sense of satisfaction when Pearl realised her idol was not as amazing as she thought, not this odd constricting feeling in her chest.

"So…" At least the blush had gone down. "Uh, what did she say?"

"Mostly what you said. I know times were really hard back then, but I didn't think it would turn to that…" Pearl shook her head. "I just wish she would have told me, then we could have helped you! There must have been another way…"

Lapis was silent.

"I'm sorry, Lapis."

With a sigh, she eventually said, "It wasn't your fault."

"I should have at least _tried_ to take you out of the mirror though. I mean if Steven of all people could figure out what had happened then… then…"

"Rose had some sort of protection against me doing what I wasn't told when she was alive though. It was only after she died that I was able to rebel against what people told me to do," Lapis replied, then said with a smirk, "It's how Steven realised I was in there."

"Still though, I could have taken your gem off the mirror."

"Well you could have, but… Pearl, it's like you're wanting to make me mad at you?"

Pearl's eyes grew wide and she waved her hands in front of her. "Oh, no no no, that's, that's not my intention at all! Sorry, I just don't know how to feel about all of this, or what to say to you. I know I can't make it up to you by just saying sorry."

"Yeah, I don't know either," Lapis shrugged, then snorted, "How about we just suppress what happened, angst about it for years and then die an early death from stress instead?"

"Pff," Pearl giggled, covering her mouth with her hand. "Well, I, um, I don't know what else to say."

"There's nothing really," Lapis stood up, dusting off her skirt, then offered a hand to Pearl. "You wanna head back now?"

"Oh, well we only just got here, we may as well stay a while longer. That is, if you don't mind," suggested Pearl, twisting her fingers nervously. "I mean, if you don't want to then that's fine. I can walk back by myself."

"I don't really mind, but I don't just want to sit here awkwardly for another hour."

"That's understandable. We could just walk back to the warp pad? It's a scenic walk and it takes a few hours to do. Plus, since the pad is downhill it won't be too tough."

"Lead the way."

Pearl took Lapis' hand and pulled herself up, quickly letting go of the blue gem's hand, before pointing to a narrow path at the base of the meadow.

"That's where we need to go to."

Midday began to bring the heat of late summer, and while Lapis was not affected as strongly as a human, her time spent at the bottom of the ocean meant that she had grown accustomed to the cold. It was pleasant however, and when Pearl was not looking she tilted her head back, eyes closed and soaked in the sunlight, enjoying its warmth as it erased the lingering memories of the sea floor for a few blissful moments.

Before long though, the path took them into a forested area, and Lapis found herself inspecting the dappled pattern of sunlight through the leaves with a restrained curiosity, still doing her best to look casual before the pearl. Most of her time while flying was spent in space, a cold and lifeless place, which offered freedom aplenty but also a lot of boredom. Here, however, there was life everywhere she looked, and even the air was warm! It was so alien to her, though she supposed that she was the alien in this situation.

"Guten tag!" A pair of humans passed by her and Pearl, and she found herself subconsciously grabbing out for the back of Pearl's top. Gems she could deal with, but humans were a completely different area, and outside Steven she had no idea what to make of them. She could not even understand these ones! "Ich liebe dein Kostüm."

"Danke," smiled Pearl, then when they were out of earshot, asked Lapis, "Are you okay? That seemed a little… well, out of character."

"What? No, I just, no I was just making sure you were in front of me," Lapis replied quickly. "The sun got in my eyes, that's all."

"Oh, if you're sure." Pearl turned back quickly, and Lapis let go of her top wondering if she'd done something wrong.

' _You just grabbed the back of her top out of no where, of course you_ _'_ _ve done something wrong_ …' Lapis thought, a frown on her face. ' _She_ _'_ _s a pearl, she_ _'_ _s had more than enough of strangers pawing at her_.'

Much of the walk for the next hour was spent in silence, both members of the party too embarrassed to talk to the other. The forest thinned out into another field before long, and the flat meadow allowed the wind to pick up speed, catching Lapis' skirt and blowing both their hair about. Overhead, the few clouds in the sky sped across from left to right, and a particularly bold bird came over to shout at the pair of them for getting too close to its nest.

"Pearl?" Lapis called. "Why did you become a Crystal Gem?"

Clearly not expecting the question, the gem turned.

"Why would you be interested in such a thing, Lapis?" Pearl was not particularly annoyed by the question, just confused.

She shrugged, "Just wondered. I know life as a Pearl isn't exactly that fun, but it's as secure as it gets. Well, other than being a diamond."

"You already know the answer though, don't you?"

"Really? You defected just because of Rose?

"At first I did," Pearl replied, head fixed upon the horizon. "I held no real interest in protecting this planet, or in abolishing the diamond authority, I just did what Rose told me to do, which is ironic I guess."

"So if Rose wanted you to… I don't know… throw yourself off a cliff, would you?"

Pearl groaned. "I said _at first_. I soon began to see how beautiful this world is, and then once we got Garnet as a member I understood how important it was to protect her, and the ability to fuse freely with whoever you wanted to. And then the more I thought about it, the more I realised that Homeworld's rule is completely unfair to all but the strong and the powerful."

Lapis was silent for a moment, then said, "I guess… But who was your diamond then?"

"Well…" Now Pearl looked uncomfortable, and Lapis sped up her walking until they were walking side by side. "I'd rather not talk about it. Regardless, Rose was the first gem to ever see me as anything other than an object to be played with when her owner was bored."

"That's fair. Were you owned for long before escaping though? And don't you have spend ages training for it as well?"

"I'm sorry, I don't like to dwell upon it. The training period was still awful though. Being a pearl for a diamond protected me against a lot though," Pearl sounded angry. "But I was the only pearl there who thought there was something wrong with the way we were being treated. It's like they were machines…"

"So they were machines because they listened to what Homeworld told them to do?"

"It's easy for you to say; you're a Lapis Lazuli! You get to fly around space delivering messages," laughed Pearl dryly. "I was a pet who had to clean up after my owner and do all their work for them and that's if I was _lucky_."

Lapis did not reply.

"Sorry, I shouldn't have snapped like that. Those centuries were just really painful to remember, and the other gems in the rebellion often mocked me for my position as a pearl. It's a sore nerve I guess."

"No, that's fair. I never really thought about being a pearl in that sense before," Lapis commented, clasping her hands behind her as she walked. "I guess everyone thinks everyone else has it easy though. But I still wonder why Rose did it."

"Did what?"

"Die so Steven could be born. I mean, I'm not complaining, it's the best decision she ever made, but why?"

"What do you mean best decision she ever made?"

Before speaking, Lapis paused, wondering if it was worth making the comment she was about to, but then decided that her desire to not upset pearl was too strange, and that lashing out would be a good way to lessen it.

"Sacrificing her body to become Steven. At least something good came from her…"

Pearl glanced at Lapis from the corner of her eye, "Now who's trying to make the other mad?"

"Just saying."

When they got back to the warp pad, the orange hues of sunset were just beginning to light the tips of the mountains. The air was still warm, but a slight chill began to blow across Lapis' bare shoulders.

"Pearl," she asked while they were in the warp. "Have you ever left the warp tunnel?"

"I've had a peak now and then, but nothing more. Why?"

"No reason."

Landing was still a pain, and Lapis Lazuli landed hard on the pad.

"Aww, Lapis! You look so cute!" Once again, Steven was waiting for them to return, and instantly picked up upon Lapis' flower crown.

"Yeah, nice crown!" snorted Amethyst from behind some food that Lapis could not identify. From the corner of her eyes she saw Garnet send her a thumbs up.

"What? I, I uh, no I don't!" she stuttered, aware that her face was turning an increasingly darker shade of blue. Darting her eyes from side to side, she noted that all the Crystal Gems were present around the warp pad, clearly waiting anxiously for the return of Pearl and Lapis Lazuli. They did not trust her entirely with Pearl still. Fine.

Not wanting to be ogled at, Lapis curled her hands into fists and marched out of the small house before the temple. When she reached the beach, she pulled the flower crown from her head and threw it angrily at the sand, feeling humiliated. Pearl's compliment had felt genuine, as had Steven's, but from the others it felt different and wrong. Perhaps she should not have stormed out like that, and perhaps the Gem's compliments were genuine, but regardless it was too late.

She was a Lapis Lazuli. She was not made to look cute, or pretty; she was made to be a messenger and a harmless one at that.

The only summon she could produce was her wings, and they were useless in a battle. In fact, on Homeworld her powers were almost useless, and Lapis had been amazed at how much water there was on earth. Here she was powerful, but at home she may as well have been given a scrap of fabric to fight with.

But… if she could be powerful on earth, then why not also be pretty, asked a small voice in the back of her head. Homeworld was no longer an option as they clearly did not want her back, so why bother keeping to their regulations for what she could and couldn't be? They did not even _need_ messengers anymore, and as a result Lapis Lazuli's were obsolete. She could never return to Homeworld, but she could stay on Earth, and be whoever she wanted. Just as the Crystal Gems advertised.

 _No_.

Lapis was _not_ going to join the rebel group that had caused imprisonment in the mirror, much less take on their strange ways. It was one thing for an inexperienced gem like Peridot to embrace it, but another thing entirely for an older gem like Lapis.

After a while of the ocean lapping at her ankles, Lapis picked the crown back up and looked at it, noting how the flowers looked wrong. Shrunken. Shrivelled.

Alarmed, she leapt to her feet and looked anxiously at the temple, wanting to ask Pearl what was wrong with the flower crown but having no desire to face the other gems.

No. This was a present, and she decided that she was not going to let this one break in her hands like the last one. Unfurling her wings, Lapis shot up onto the balcony, and knocked on the door.

"Hello?" she called.

The door opened, showing Amethyst.

"Hey Lapis. We only lock the door at night, you know?" she sighed as Lapis barrelled past. "Don't need to go crashing through the door all the time."

The house was empty.

"Um, where is everyone?" Lapis asked.

Amethyst shrugged. "Garnet and Pearl are in the temple somewhere. I think Steven and Peri are hanging out at the barn though."

"Oh. Thanks."

Amethyst gave another shrug, before entering the temple herself.

The barn it was, then.

Steven and Peridot were making what looked like a robot. Or rather, Peridot was making a robot, and Steven was doing his best to help.

"Lapis!" he grinned as she landed before them.

"What's this pile of junk supposed to be?" sniffed Lapis, though she said it with a slight smirk so Peridot would know she did not mean it too harshly.

"We're making a robot!" Steven beamed.

"What does it do?"

"It washes things," said Peridot in a matter of fact voice, flipping the visor on her welding helmet up. "Steven thought it could help out his Dod at work."

"It's Dad, not Dod, Peridot,"

"Ehh, close enough."

It was very much a classic Peridot design, green and angular, with the exception of the two arms that looked almost furry.

"What are those?" asked Lapis, then shook her head. "No, wait. That's not what I came here for. Your robot distracted me."

"Oh, whats up?" Steven asked.

"It's broken, and I don't know what I did," frowned Lapis, holding out the flower crown to Steven.

"They've just wilted. It's what happens to flowers when they're picked," he said.

"How do I fix it?"

"You can't really. I mean if you put them in water they might recover a bit but they'll always wilt after a while. It's just how flowers are."

Lapis looked down at the flower crown in horror.

"Does Pearl know?" she muttered.

"Don't worry, she won't be upset at you. It happens!"

Remembering what Steven had said about water, Lapis drew some from the pool Peridot had made for her, and enclosed the flower crown in it, hoping it would help to preserve it for a little longer.

"Thanks, Steven."

"Don't worry about it!" he smiled. "Wanna help with the robot? I'm designing the paintwork."

"But it's already green?" Lapis replied, suppressing a giggle. It was adorable how he thought he was helping at all. "Sure, whatever. Not got anything to do for a while anyway."

Sitting cross-legged beside Steven, Lapis got given a piece of paper and a felt-tip pen and was told that her design would go on the back of the robot.

"What should I draw?" she asked, and was told to draw 'something water-y'.

After staring into the distance for a while, she drew a shaky picture of one of the animals she had seen while in the sea. "How's this?"

"Is that even real?" Peridot sneered, peering over Lapis' shoulder.

"It's a seahorse, a kind of fish," Steven said to the green gem. "Guess you must have seen a lot of them, huh?"

Lapis shrugged. "Yeah… they're cute. Sometimes, when Jasper got tired, I could watch the fish go by for a bit. It was nice."

Once Peridot was done with the wiring, Steven descended onto it with a brush and a pot of white paint, transferring his design onto one side (a slightly goofy looking dolphin) and then Lapis' onto the other.

"Done!" he announced proudly. "Thanks guys, Dad's gonna love it!"  
"It was nothing, Steven. A basic chore robot like that is almost an insult to my skills," Peridot replied, puffing out her chest. At this, Lapis rolled her eyes and snorted.

"You wanna help deliver this?" Steven asked, giving Lapis Lazuli his best puppy dog eyes.

"Hmm…" she pouted, straightening her back and looking over at the ocean dramatically. "Well I _guess_ I could. How could I say no to my favourite Steven?"

"Favourite?" he beamed, then frowned. "Wait, I'm the _only_ Steven you know!"

Lapis chuckled. "Exactly."

Flying the robot over to the carwash was a little more cumbersome than Lapis had expected, but only because Peridot and Steven had insisted upon riding on her back, and she had reluctantly agreed. The younger gems sounded as if they were having the time of their life up in the air, and while Lapis' heart had hardened, their joy brought a small smile to her face… though she was still tempted to shrug Peridot off for her own amusement now and then.

"Wow!" Mr Universe said after Lapis had carefully placed it on the tarmac. "You did all this for me, Steven?"

"Peridot and Lapis helped!"

"Well, thank you both!"

The machine worked perfectly, and hand washed cars almost as quick as Greg. Steven proudly put up a sign declaring that it was the first 'robot carwash'. Neither Peridot nor Lapis were confident talking to humans, and so they both attempted to avoid conversation as much as possible, cutting the visit short to the pair's relief.

Garnet and Pearl were gone for a few days. Official Crystal Gem business, Steven had said slyly a week later, peering at her from beneath a hat.

He had let his imagination go wild, and accordingly Connie, Peridot and himself had decided to play spies while they awaited their return. Peridot was playing the part of the evil organisation that was 'enhancing' bears by giving them lasers for eyes, though the peridot would protest at anyone claiming she was the villain, insisting that it just 'made sense'. Connie played the part of a British spy, infiltrating Peridot's lair with the assistance of a number of complex gadgets, while Steven was a double agent, helping both Peridot and Connie, though Lapis suspected this was simply because he was too kind to be against either.

While Amethyst was more than happy to transform into a bear for the trio, Lapis' role as 'the spymaster' was a reluctant one. For a start, she had no idea what she was supposed to be doing, other than giving Connie (and sometimes Steven) missions, but the more she let herself get into it over the course of the days, the more enjoyable it became. Before she knew it, she was just as excited as the others as she called out their orders for the 'final mission', in which Connie and Steven (who was now on their side) were breaking into Peridot's hidden cave lair to try and remove the lasers from the bears and bring them round to their side.

"Agent L," Steven said, as if talking into a communicator in his watch. "We're in, but there are no bears, over."

"Well, uh, have you looked with a torch?" she replied, then added, "Over."

"Negative, the room is lit, over."

"Nyeh heh heh!" Peridot cackled as she leapt out from behind the counters. "You fell perfectly into my trap."

The green gem had a water pistol aimed at Steven, and was about to 'shoot' him, when Garnet and Pearl appeared on the teleporter pad.

"Garnet! Pearl!" Steven went from a serious spy to an excited kid in under a second and grabbed onto Garnet's leg, hugging her tightly. Pearl reached out a hand and stroked the top of his head.

"We're back," the fusion said with a smile.

At the reunion, Lapis and Peridot slunk out, leaving the gems and Connie in the house below the temple.

"Can I get a lift?" Peridot asked at the sight of Lapis summoning her wings. Lapis Lazuli turned to look at the smaller gem and raised an eyebrow at her, prompting a groan from Peridot before she pouted. "Please?"

"Hmm, I _guess_ I could give you a lift."

* * *

 **A/N:** Wow, this already has almost 500 views! I'm glad you guys are liking this c: I know the past chapters haven't been very fluffy but don't worry, there will be some soon, I just don't want to rush into it! :)

I've uploaded a cover for it now, and the link for the fullsize version can be found on my tumblr page, which is linked in my author's description bit. I tried to link it on the fic itself but apparently that's now allowed x)

SO. Since the recent episodes have come out a few of the theorys in this have been disproved, mainly the Rose being pink diamond one. I was not going to change it initially but now it's been thoroughly disproved I changed it! I've tried to change little bits so that I'll have a bit more margin for error when later episodes come out too :)

Anyway, please keep reviewing and letting me know what you think of it!

If there are any scenes you think could be cute then please let me know, as I have a start and end goal, but everything else is a bit vague at the moment :)

Thanks for reading 38)


	3. In which Lapis goes on a mission

While it had seemed like the end of the world at first to be sharing a barn with Peridot, she had gotten rather used to it over the past week. The only real complaint she had was the peridot's insistence on watching the cheesy 'Pining Hearts' soap at all hours of the day, but even that slowly became a comfort. Though she was exhausted and could probably do with the sleep, whenever she laid her head down, visions of Jasper dragging her to the bottom of the ocean, or of the bismuth warrior that attacked her would fill her mind. If she was lucky, she would merely see the endless, fractal walls of her mirror tomb instead, though this would still put her into a state of panic, and she would have to go for a long flight before the images would leave. The feeling of being alone with Jasper, or simply being entirely alone in the mirror terrified her, and hearing the sounds of Peridot cackling or grumbling along to Camp Pining Hearts gave her a strange sense of security.

Though Lapis was by no means ready to tackle the realm of sleep, she found it much easier to relax on the long summer nights, and she was glad to have another gem with her who was still not entirely trusted by the Crystal Gems.

Summer could not last forever though, and before long Lapis found herself helping Greg and Pearl fix the roof, as the upcoming Autumn promised heavy rain.

Lapis soon found that she enjoyed this 'rain' immensely. The sounds it made on the roof at night were soothing, and she would often sit by the door to watch it fall. Occasionally she would spot an immense frog amble by, and on almost every rainy night she would see hundreds of snails and slugs meandering. Peridot on the other hand preferred to hide under a large blanket and cuddle with her strange stuffed toy. But regardless of how pretty it sounded, feeling the drops land on her in the night was not welcome at all, and she was grateful for Greg's help; deciding that like his son, he was one of the good humans.

The flower crown had since rotted, even though it had been encased in a film of water. Apparently it was the way of life on earth; things were beautiful for a short time, but they did not last. It had taken a while to get her head around it, and Steven had to explain to Peridot and Lapis several times how it worked. While she had just about understood that Greg and Rose Quartz had made Steven, it was even more confusing to understand that Greg had once looked like Steven, but then had… aged? Gems did not really age in the same way that humans did, so the thought that Steven would (possibly) age until he looked like Greg was a strange thought indeed.

Steven was getting increasingly worried about the blue gem's condition though, and would often suggest to her that she take a nap. She would refuse each time.

Still, after centuries on her own, it nice to feel fussed over. Though Steven's fussing seemed almost negligent in comparison to Pearl. It seemed that she had decided to try and make up for her treatment of Lapis while she was in the mirror by trying to solve any problem the blue gem complained about even slightly, hence the roof fixing… and the installation of better lighting in the barn… and the large pile of cushions and blankets… the list went on. Lapis wondered where Pearl even got some of the objects, but thought it better not to ask.

As with Steven, Pearl's fussing felt nice, and she was well aware that the attention was going to her head.

Jasper was still at large, and had made it clear several times that she was still craving Malachite, and would not stop until she got what she wanted. Having fused with her for so long, Lapis knew full well that when Jasper said something, she meant it, and that had made the paranoia and fear even worse; Lapis had not left the barn since the incident on the boat.

"How's that?" the pearl in question asked Lapis, wiping dirt off her face.

"It… it looks much better," Lapis said with a small nod, then remembered what Steven was telling her about better manners, and added, "Thank you."

Lapis had made a casual remark the previous day that there were not enough flowers to look at now that Autumn had come, and of course Pearl had taken the comment completely to heart, and had returned with all manner of greenery bursting out of the back of Greg's van. The view from the barn doors was now complimented by orange, purple and yellow blooms.

In all honesty, Lapis had no problem with the view at all, for the trees turning from green to red was nice enough. And really, she had no issue with the lack of lighting in the barn either, as Lapis enjoyed watching the moonlight squeeze its way through the gaps in the wood, and the light from the television was fine to see with. She just wanted to spend time with…

No.

Lapis shut off that train of thought as soon as it began to enter her mind.

"They just look like a load more leaves to me," Peridot grumbled as she joined the pair outside.

"That's because the only leaves you're interested in are the ones from that awful TV show," Lapis smirked. "Camp trees, was it?"

"It's pine trees, you clod! That's the _point_. Pining hearts, pine trees. It's a _pun_!" The green gem then decided that she had better things to do, and went back inside, shaking her head.

"Anyway, just let me know if there's anything else you want," Pearl said with a smile, and turned to leave.

"Wait," Lapis blurted out, before her brain caught up with her mouth and her eyes widened. "I, uh, there isn't any running water in this barn, I mean what _is_ this, earth? Ah, wait, um."

"There's a sink in the corner, Lapis?" replied Pearl, confused.

"Oh! Well, it's not on my side of the barn, so I guess I didn't notice it," she said with a nervous chuckle. "Uh, but the window – on _my_ side – is definitely broken, and it's getting pretty cold at night."

The sound of Peridot bursting into a fit of laughter filled the air, and they both turned their heads to look at the barn. Evidently she still found the show funny despite the countless times that she had watched it. That, or she had heard Lapis' attempts at talking to Pearl. Lapis hoped it was the former.

"Alright. Well I'll have a look at it tomorrow, I promised Amethyst I'd move some of my stuff from her room. Apparently it keeps falling into it… to think I accused her of stealing it this whole time!" Pearl laughed, and Lapis' abdomen felt odd. Did Pearl understand what she was doing to her? Was it on purpose? Lapis decided she had suffered enough at her hands, but at the same time she did not want Pearl to leave. What was wrong with her?

"Could you not look at it now?" Lapis mumbled, avoiding the other gem's eyes.

"Hm?" Something then seemed to click in Pearl's mind, and she smiled. "If you wanted to spend time with me you just had to say Lapis."

"What? I, that's not it!" she stammered, and not knowing how to deal with it, turned in preparation to walk back to the barn.

"Well, you know where to find me," she said in a kind tone, then called, "I'm going now, Peridot!"

"See you later, clod."

Pearl pulled a face at the name, before turning and leaving.

When Peridot ambled out of the barn a few hours later, she found Lapis lying in the pool face down.

"Don't be such a drama queen," said Peridot with a roll of her eyes.

"Urgh,"

At this Peridot chuckled. "I mean _really_! The window isn't even that bad!"

Lapis lifted her head out of the water enough to give Peridot an annoyed look, before she sank down a few metres, far enough away to avoid the younger gem's comments. This was where she stayed for the day.

This was getting ridiculous! There was no reason for lapis to crave the attention of someone who idolised the very gem that kept her prisoner, and to crave it to the point of making up problems for her to come round…

Lapis let herself sink down even further, hoping that the water would help clear her mind, but what had previously been a pleasant experience now brought sudden flashbacks to her time as Malachite, and she left the water as quickly as possible.

"Did you have fun in the pool?" asked Peridot, distracted, then made a confused noise as Lapis sat down beside her on the sofa with a thud. "You… you want to watch Pining Hearts with me?"

Lapis Lazuli nodded, keeping her gaze fixed firmly on the television.

"But you never want to watch it! You say it's just a waste of time," she said, then frowned at the water Lapis had brought in. "Do you want a towel or something?"

"Could I just watch the show?" Lapis mumbled, bring her knees to her chest. "Please. I just want to zone out for a bit."

"Ohhh... Well you should at least start at the beginning, hold on a second."

Though it was indeed trashy and cheesy, the drama show helped distract her mind from the clenching feeling of anxiety in her chest. In fact, before Lapis knew it, she had watched almost the entire first season of Camp Pining Hearts. They were interrupted in the finale by a knocking at the door, before Pearl entered.

"Hello?" she called. "Oh! You're both up here, watching… that."

"If you tried watching it you'd love it!" Peridot huffed.

"Lapis, not you too I hope?" grimaced Pearl with dread.

"It's not that bad once you get into it…" Lapis replied, ashamed that she had enjoyed it.

"Pearl! You should join us for the finale!"

"That's fine, I've seen it before. Steven wanted to watch it when it aired, and I had to make sure there wasn't anything too grown up for him in it," Pearl dismissed. "Well I'll go fix the window anyway while you watch that."

The window was soon fixed, and a reluctant Pearl perched on the arm rest beside Lapis. She made sure to inform them that she was 'just waiting for it to be done' but was soon joining in with all of Peridot's overreactions. Lapis thought to herself how it was strangely cute seeing the pearl react in such an overexcited way, then snapped back into reality. No. No no no no no.

"Well that was it!" Peridot announced, getting up to switch off the TV then sat down in front of it. "Now, give me your honest opinion. What is the deal with Paulette? Isn't she the most useless character in it? I can't even begin to understand what Percy sees in her!"

"We know, you've gone over this several times already, Peridot," Pearl replied, rolling her eyes. "Now if you don't mind, I'm going to check with Lapis that the window is how she wanted it."

"Oh sure, fix all the stuff for _Lapis_ ," Peridot pouted. "What do _I_ have to do to get some service around here?"

"Not try to invade earth?" suggested Lapis. "But yes, Paulette is pretty useless."

The sheer bliss that spread across Peridot's face was adorable, and Lapis chuckled at how happy disliking a character had made the green gem.

"I replaced a few of the parts so it should work just fine now," Pearl explained. "And now that's fixed, would you like to come with Steven and I on a mission? It's more of a supervised test than anything else, but we – well I – like to monitor how he's getting on with his powers. I'm sure it would mean a lot to him, and it gives you something to do."

"Sure, I guess I could," she replied. If Steven was there, then it would not be too bad, and with a Crystal Gem accompanying her, she felt a little better about the potential for Jasper to attack her. It would be fine, and she needed the change in scenery. It would be fine.

"Would you like to come, Peridot?" Pearl asked, more from politeness than any real desire to spend time with her, as it was well known that they had somewhat of a rivalry.

"I've got better things to do than watch you clods run around."

That was all that Pearl needed to hear.

"Want a lift to the temple?" Lapis asked, and upon receiving the go ahead, softly picked up Peal, ignoring the squirming in her stomach, ignoring how her face was heating up. When they arrived at their destination, Lapis landed on her feet, still holding Pearl close and began to walk up the steps.

"Ah, Lapis, I can walk from here! You don't need to carry me,"

Horrified at her actions, Lapis simply dropped Pearl onto the sand, then realised that there were better ways to put her down and stammered an apology, helping her up.

When had it gotten so bad? While she had always been slightly uncomfortable around the Crystal Gem, the churning sensation in her abdomen was getting worse, as was the strange fluttering in her chest, and Lapis could barely think around the pearl, her words coming out completely different to how she wanted them.

"S-sorry!" she mumbled, and darted up the stairs to the temple alone, leaving Pearl to wonder what she had done.

The mission was made up of the three of them wandering through about an island as Steven fought off Pearl's holograms and solved puzzles. Unlike the more temperate heat of the Alps, the air was heavy and humid, clearly affecting Steven a lot. Apparently he had been there before, and he happily babbled to her about the time he had been stuck there for a month with his 'best buds' Lars and Sadie.

"You didn't notice that he was missing for a _month_?" Lapis teased. She and Pearl were sat atop a smooth, flat rock, watching Steven train. She had managed to calm herself down a little, and hoped that Pearl had not noticed how frazzled she was earlier.

"Of course we realised! We just… didn't think to check the warp pad we used most recently," Pearl admitted rubbing the back of her head in embarrassment. "Since then we've been keeping a much better eye on him."

"Sorry, Pearl!" he called from where he was fighting off a pair of holograms.

"Focus, Steven!"

"So, where did you get the idea for this from?" asked Lapis. While she would not admit it, she was somewhat impressed; currently, Steven was having to fight the holograms for access to a carving on the cliff face. Lapis could not make it out from where she was sat, but it seemed to be based off the traditional gem murals found dotted about all over the earth. So far, Steven had been following subtle clues and tracking the holograms at distance, though Pearl had not been able to resist setting up numerous traps for him, and he had triggered a number of them, having to use his brain to get out of them.

"I based it off training I used to do when the rebellion was still in it's early days," she replied. "Though I can't claim credit for the mural; it's been here for millennia, like the island itself. This used to be home for a small group of gems a long, long time ago who were fleeing Homeworld. They set up a community here, as they were mostly construction-centric gems. It doesn't look it on the outside but…"

Pearl motioned for Lapis to get closer, then whispered, "Under us are a series of underground buildings, and at the top of the island, a temple. You'll see."

"So it's a treasure hunt?"

"Of a sort," Pearl turned back to the fighting, keeping a careful eye on what was happening.

Steven was getting much better at fighting with his shield, and Lapis was pleased. While she knew it was silly she was overprotective towards the sweet boy, and while she would likely continue to look out for him, it was nice to know that he could stand up for himself. There were two holograms still pursuing him; he had already taken out three, and was currently ducking and dodging the attacks between flinging his shield at them. Eventually, his technique paid off, and he took down the final pair.

"Well done, Steven!" Lapis called, clapping as Pearl and herself walked over to him. "You did great."

"Hah, Pearl, if they're only half as good as you at fighting, hah hah, I don't know anyone gets past you guys!" he said, still winded from the exercise.

"Well, I wouldn't say half as good… maybe ten percent as good? Five?" she deliberated, then realised he was complimenting her and flushed, pleased. "Anyway, you did well."

"Mural time!" he wooped, Pearls comments making no dent in his mood.

The mural in question was a large block of text written entirely in gem. Around the edge were a few basic pictures of trees and houses, with the native wildlife added almost as an afterthought to bulk up the aesthetics.

"Do you still have the code breaker you found earlier, Steven?" asked Pearl after a few minutes of Steven frowning at the patterns.

"Oh yeah!" he pulled it from his backpack. "You know, Pearl. Wouldn't it be easier to do this if I knew how to read gem?"

"Not this again. Steven, you barely bay attention in the classes I give you for _this_ planets languages. Gem is like nothing found here, it'll be very hard for you to get your head around."

"Aww, that's no fair," he pouted, but Pearl was right. He then turned to Lapis. "Hey, I don't suppose you could help?"

"I don't want to get involved," she snorted, until Steven dialled his puppy dog eyes up a notch. "Stop! Your powers are too much for me!"

She made a show of hiding her eyes, before laughing.

"Sorry, Steven. I'd love to help, but I can't read it either."

"Aww…"

"Besides, if you're just seeing this as a wall of writing, then you should study the code breaker a little more," said Pearl. "Remember that only the high caste gems could read back when this was made. That's the only clue I'm giving you."

"Hmm."

Lapis stood beside Steven and looked at the code breaker, then the wall. The code breaker was a small, cylindrical seal. After some time of trying to figure out what it said, Steven realised that if he pressed it into some mud then the image could become clearer. It did. The picture created by the seal was of a very typical gem mural, with blue diamond in the centre sending out underlings to create buildings and temples.

"Is that gem?" Steven asked. On some of the buildings there were tiny pieces of cursive writing, and it was these that he was pointing at.

"Not saying!" Pearl replied, but judging by the small smile on her face, he was on the right track.

He soon realised that the characters beside the objects related to the characters on the wall before him, and after another few minutes of searching, declared proudly that there should be a building nearby. Steven raced off, the other two gems following him close behind before he found himself in a thick tangle of plants and vines.

"Where's the building?" he said to Pearl, confused, but she said nothing. "Hey Pearl, since I know what the point of it was, could you tell me what it says?"

"I guess I could," she replied reluctantly. "It's a hymn to Blue Diamond, a very old one. There's nothing of particular interest."

"Aww," he sighed.

After some more investigation, Steven found a small door at the base of a cliff, hidden behind all manner of plant life and near invisible save for the very slight shadow caused by a seam. Pushing it open, he erupted into a coughing fit at the dust, before pushing on.

"Ahhh this is so cute!" gasped Steven as he made his way to the end of the tunnel.

They had arrived in a small room. The plants from the jungle had crept in, creating drapes of green across the walls and floor, and a hole in the ceiling had resulted in erosion on much of the painted murals. Despite this it was pretty, and Lapis spent her time inspecting what was left of the wall art, though as with much of the other art on the island, it was mostly depictions of Blue Diamond, which she supposed was to trick any gems who arrived there by coincidence into thinking it was merely a shrine. Behind the thick mat of vines however was another small door, which the three managed to squeeze through.

The next room was better preserved than the previous one, and fine stalactites hung from the ceiling, all carved with intricate, geometric patterns. After a thorough exploration of the room it was becoming worryingly clear to Steven and Lapis that the only way through was through a narrow gap in the wall. The light from the openings in the previous room did not reach through to the other side of the gap, nor would the light from Steven's headlamp.

"Uhh, Pearl?" Steven called. "We're stuck."

"Now, Steven. Don't give up so easily! Think. Use your brain and your powers."

"Oh!" he gasped. "Shape shifting?"

Pearl nodded, pleased with her pupil.

Choosing a form he was familiar with, Steven shifted into a small cat, and looked up at the others expectantly. Lapis pondered what form to take, before settling upon a sea snake, a creature she had occasionally seen while trapped beneath the sea. Pearl, on the other hand simply walked into the gap, her form seeming to flow around the rock's protrusions as she walked.

"Aww! I wanna do that!" Steven cried.

"It's pretty advanced shape shifting, Steven. You'll have to spend a few more years before you can do it," Lapis Lazuli snorted.

"How many years?"

"Hmm, maybe a thousand years? Give or take a few centuries."

"Can you do it, Lapis?" he asked.

She shook her head, an adorable action on the small snake. "We don't get taught that kind of shape shifting. It's more for servant gems and their owners. Taking non gem forms is considered beneath them."

"Peaaarl! You can shape shift around us, we won't judge you," Steven smiled once they got to the other side of the gap.

"What?" Pearl asked. "No no, it's not that I'm uncomfortable with you, I just prefer doing this."

"Alright," he said, unconvinced.

The next chamber was another carved cave, though this one had far more decorative patterns on the walls; images of the island's flowers, birds in flight and shoals of fish chasing each other across the stone walls. There was a sense of joy in the art in the current room that was not present in the others, and Lapis found herself smiling along with the carvings.

"Many gems found solace on earth," Pearl was lecturing Steven on something, and Lapis edged a little closer, intrigued to hear more about the gems who lived on the island. "The abundance of life and warmth on the planet when compared to the cold vacuum of space is certainly a little addictive."

"So they were other Crystal Gems?" he asked.

"In a sense. They defected from the diamond authority but they were not Crystal Gems. They did not fight against Homeworld, they simply hid until what they believed to be the inevitable destruction of the planet," Pearl said, then turned to Steven with a smile. "Until we stopped it, that is."

"What happened to the gems here? asked Lapis, making the other two jump at how close she was.

"They corrupted. Like all the other gems here," Pearl replied. "But we managed to save them; they're all in the temple."

At the mention of corruption Lapis fell silent.

Pearl cleared her throat, "Anyway, keep going, Steven."

There was another small gap in the rocks, and Lapis and Steven shifted into their smaller forms again, with Pearl crawling through behind them.

When she reached the other side of the tunnel, Lapis gasped, forgetting to shift back into her proper form.

"What is it Lap- aah!" Steven dashed into the room before shifting back into a boy. "This is so cool!"

Unlike the smaller chambers they had been traveling though, this was at the heart of the island: a temple in the hollowed out body of a volcano. In the centre of the room was an immense granite statue of a fusion, similar to the design of the Crystal Gem's own temple exterior, and where the opening of the volcano should have been was a stained glass window made of shards of bright red and orange glass welded together, casting the room in a fire like glow. All over the walls were paintings of gems dancing and singing, with more of the native wildlife alongside them, the joy radiating from them even more than the other chambers. Just underneath the fusion statue was a small table with some balloons tied to it.

"Well done, Steven!" Pearl smiled, and led them to the table, where a plate of cookies sat under a glass cover.

"How did you get those in here?" Lapis asked suspiciously, as the tunnels they had navigated earlier were far too narrow to fit the table and crockery through.

"I, ah, used the door," she replied, smiling guiltily. Lapis then noticed the stairs leading up the walls of the temple to the window at the top. "But using the door would hardly have been a challenge would it?"

"Ehh," she shrugged. The other gem had a point.

"Uhh, guys?"

"Yes, Steven?" Pearl said, confused at his tone.

"You didn't put a corrupted gem in here to test me, right?"

"Of course not," Pearl replied, a smirk on her face. "It would hardly be fair on you to make you fight right after I gave you your reward for completing the mission."

Steven's panicked expression did not calm.

Pearl's eyes narrowed, "Why?"

A sudden movement above them caught Lapis' eye, and she was barely able to shout for them to duck before shoving the others out of the way.

" _Aah_!" she shrieked as something grabbed her round the waist. " _Let go_!"

A huge corrupted gem had emerged from it's hiding place, where it had been camouflaged on the wall as a lump of rocks. It had a vaguely humanoid form, with two sets of arms and a huge pair of bat like wings.

"Lapis!" Steven shouted, summoning his shield.

She wriggled, trying to summon her wings before a sense of dread set over her.

"There's not enough water to summon my wings!" she cried. It was a half truth, there was animal life all over the temple full of water, including Steven, but there was no way she was taking it.

"There must be somewhere!" he shouted back.

"We're in a _volcano_!"

The lack of water to summon brought back feelings of uselessness from Homeworld, and she grew even more panicked.

"Hold on," Pearl called, chasing after the corrupted gem and hurling spears after it to no avail. Their attacks simply bounced off it's rocky armour, doing nothing but making it angrier.

"Shape shift out!" Steven suggested, trying his best to keep up with them.

"I can't, I'm not calm enough!" Even the most skilled shifters would have a hard time changing shape while grabbed by an enemy. "Urgh!"

The monster tightened its grip on her, and she knew she was at danger of being poofed, sending a wave of panic through her. It was irrational, but after what had happened the last time she had been forced to retreat to her gem, she was terrified to lose control. She had to do it.

Hanging from the arms of the statue were a small family of bats. Just enough water to do some damage.

"I'm so sorry," she muttered, and drew the water from them, their dried out husks dropping to the floor as the water flowed towards her and seeped into the gaps of the monster's rock armour. With a jerk of her head, the water exploded outwards, ripping the rock from it's skin and exposing the now defenceless skin beneath. It dropped her in shock and she landed hard on the floor.

Deciding that she did not want to face Steven and Pearl, she threw herself into the fight, ripping off its armour piece by piece before sending a shard of ice through its chest.

The gem tumbled to the floor, where it was picked up by Pearl.

"I'm so sorry, I thought I had checked everything thoroughly," Pearl sighed, then looked over to the table she had prepared. It had been smashed in half by the monster, the cookies spilled all over the floor by the bat husks.

"Lapis, are you okay?" Steven asked as he rushed up to her. "You were so cool!"

"I... no I wasn't," she sniffed, then began to sob into her hands. "I'm so sorry, Steven."

Looking confused, the boy glanced over at Pearl for help, who shrugged and continued picking up the pieces of the broken table.

"Lapis, you saved us from the corrupted gem!" he said, then hugged her. "You don't need to be sad."

"I do. I, I stole the water from those poor plants. I killed them, I'm so sorry!" she choked, and it was at that point that Pearl put together what had happened, previously assuming that the bats had died a while ago and fell in the fight. She decided it would be best to leave how bats were not plants while Lapis was so upset.

"Well, we can learn from this," she suggested. "I guess it was inevitable given your powers of controlling water."

Steven led an inconsolable Lapis up the steps to the exit at the top, but made sure to grab the balloons before he left. Before she set off to go back to the barn, he tied them to her wrist, telling her that they would make her feel better. Lapis was not so certain, but thanked him anyway, and mumbled an apology to Pearl for making the trip awkward then left before the other could say anything in reply.

"Hey, Lapis," Peridot called as the barn doors creaked open. "What did you do?"

"We just went on a treasure hunt, basically. A corrupted gem showed up though, so we had to fight it," she said half heartedly, not wanting to reveal too much to Peridot.

"Whoa, really?" the other gem rushed to the balcony of the mezzanine and peered down at Lapis. "What did it look like?"

"Uhh, corrupted?"

"And what are _those_?" Peridot jumped down and grabbed at the balloons.

"Hey! These were a present from Steven," she frowned. "If you wanted one so bad then you should have come with us."

"Aww, but I thought it was just going to be boring learning stuff," Peridot grumbled, then noticed how distressed Lapis looked and narrowed her eyes. "Uhh, are you okay?"

Lapis rubbed at her eyes with her wrist, and said firmly, "Yes."

Since the other gem clearly did not want to talk, Peridot decided to leave it, and Lapis was grateful for this.

After a few hours, there was a gentle knock on the door, followed by Steven entering.

"Hello? Oh hey, Lapis!" he grinned and held out something in his hands. "This is for you!"

"What is it?" Lapis asked as she got up from where she was curled in a massive pile of blankets and pillows, or what Peridot referred to as 'The Nest'. In his hands was a strange pair of devices. "You brought me some manacles? Um, I mean I'm sure you don't realise, but it's not a very nice present."

"Manacles?" A look of horror then passed his face as he realised what she thought had happened. "Oh! No that's not what they are at all! They're bracelets. See?"

Due to their tiny size, he settled upon sticking his fingers through the ends and posed in an overdramatic coy manner.

"I found them on a mission a while back, and Garnet said that they were something Lapis Lazuli's wore on Homeworld a long, long time ago."

The bracelets, to be fair to Lapis, did look a lot like handcuffs, and were made of a sheet of gold coloured metal fashioned into a thick bangle. Just beside the edge of each end was a ring of small, petal shaped gems – Lapis Lazuli gems – too small to hold any sentience, but enough to hold power.

Lapis slipped them on, though due to how close the thin metal was supposed to cling to her skin, she had to shape shift her hands to put them on.

"Ohhh, I was wondering how to put them on!" Steven commented.

"Since gems can shape shift, a lot of our jewellery is meant to be put on like this," Lapis shrugged. "They're very pretty though, thanks."

"I knew you'd like them! Apparently you can store water in the gems on it."

"Huh," she replied, and pulled some water from the pond outside into the room, and slowly fed it into the gemstones. Sure enough, they guzzled up the water. While each bead could only hold a small amount of water, when the water from all of them was combined there was just enough for a pair of wings. "This is perfect, thank you, Steven! I guess these must be from a time where Lapis' were allowed to carry water on Homeworld."

"Why weren't you allowed it?"

"Well, no gems were allowed to summon their weapons. But my 'weapon' was a lot easier to confiscate than others. Even before Rose Quartz started her rebellion, the diamonds were paranoid, so they did their best to stop any power to the lesser gems," Lapis replied, then noticed Steven's frown at the mention of his mother. "And besides, my Diamond believed in the power of words over weapons."

"Blue Diamond, right?"

"Yeah, I used to know Sapphire, kind of."

"Really?" gasped Steven.

"Yeah. We never spoke, but I saw her around a lot. I was there when Garnet fused for the first time too. It was such a scandal!" Lapis giggled, and Steven grabbed a pair of pillows, clearly interested in whatever she had to say. They sat beside one another, looking out at the rain falling through the barn doors. "No one had ever thought of fusing with a gem besides your own kind before, and the Diamonds made sure to let everyone know that it was a shameful act and punishable by death."

"You going on about ancient history?" Peridot called down from the mezzanine.

"Oh, get fractured, Peri- oops!" Lapis quickly covered her mouth with a hand. "Don't tell Pearl I said that."

"That's rich coming from you!" Peridot laughed, then went back to her drawing.

"The rest is history anyway, as Peridot said. I don't think there's ever been a fusion as stable as Garnet."

"Well she's made of love, I guess that helps," Steven suggested, a small smile on his face.

"Tch, love is a human thing,"

"What?" he gasped in horror. "B-but, that can't true. That's so sad!"

"Steven, we're rocks," Lapis smiled.

"But Ruby loves Sapphire, and my mom loved my dad. And Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl love me... a-and Peridot loves that alien plushie!"

"Don't drag me into whatever you're talking about!" Peridot said.

"All you need is love! If it's wrong, then I don't want to be right," Steven said firmly. "You should try it!"

"I'd get arrested for a start. Gems that fall in love have to spend a century in isolation... though I guess I'm going to jail regardless after this," she pouted. In all honesty, after spending millennia trapped in the mirror hearing about how miserable love made Pearl, she was not sure if she wanted to try it. Lapis was also fully aware that she had no choice in the matter when it came to love, and that Pearl also lamented about that fact. "All I've seen of love is that it makes you miserable."

"That's only if it doesn't work! Just think about it," he smiled. "I know you probably don't want to fuse again any time soon, but if you had a fusion of love instead of hate, it might help you feel a bit better."

Lapis flinched at the mention of her fusion.

"I know that Jasper coming back really scared you, and when I'm scared, getting a hug from the gems or Dad or Connie always makes me feel better. We're all here for you, Lapis! You don't have to feel alone ever again."

After a few seconds of thinking, Lapis' frown relaxed into a tired smile.

"I'll try but it'll be hard to fuse again any time soon. I did some awful things to Jasper, and she to me. I wouldn't want to burden any other partner with that."

"It wouldn't be a burden to me! And I'm sure it wouldn't be to Peridot either,"

"D-don't bring me into this!" the green gem squawked, having clearly been eavesdropping, and poked her flushed face over the edge of the mezzanine.

"I knew you were listening!" Steven exclaimed.

"Gah! I wasn't listening!"

"You were!"

Lapis felt as if she should have been amused by the younger gem's squabbling, but Steven's words had unsettled her a little. Gems did not feel love, nor did they want to feel loved, yet if the Crystal Gems could, then why not her? No. It was not going to work out, and she would end up miserable, just like Pearl. There was no use pining after someone who was already in love with someone else.

"Steven," she said, and brought her knees up to her chest, hugging herself tightly. "What if you don't want to feel those things?"

"You can't just get rid of love. If you let those feelings bottle up it'll only make you feel worse," he replied, a serious tone to his voice. Suddenly, taking in what Lapis had said, he turned to her with a big smile. "Lapis! Do you-"

Firmly, she said, "I don't want to talk about it. Sorry, Steven."

"Oh, well that's okay!" Steven had a strange expression on his face, and Lapis was more than a little concerned at what he was thinking about. Then, with the same sly smile, he said, "Well I should get back to the temple. See you guys later!"

"I'll drop you off," Lapis then turned to the mezzanine. "Hey, do you want a lift to the temple, Peridot? You said you were having a games night earlier, didn't you?"

"Yes!"

"You should join us, Lapis!" Steven insisted. "It'll be fun!"

"I'm sorry, but Garnet makes me uncomfortable, and I'm pretty certain Amethyst doesn't like me."

"Aww, alright."

The barn felt empty without Peridot, and Lapis had not realised how much she had come to rely upon the other gem to stave off the fear of being grabbed by Jasper again. Huddled up in a blanket, the blue gem had opted to watch Camp Pining Hearts to distract her mind, and the sound of squabbling humans accompanied with the white noise of rainfall managed to drown out the creaks and groans of the barn. Lapis knew full well that the sounds of the wood moving in the wind was not Jasper, but her frazzled brain still needed reassurance.

After a few hours, she began to wonder where Peridot was. How long was a board game even supposed to take? She soon remembered that they were having a 'Shortie Squad' night however, which tended to go on for an obscenely long time.

The sound did not manage to stop her thinking though, and her mind was inundated with thoughts of how she had killed those creatures. Steven had not been angry at her, but Pearl had seemed off about what had happened. It was understandable. She was a monster to the precious life that the Crystal Gems fought to protect.

 _Crack_!

Lapis leapt into the air, then reminded herself it was nothing but the thunder storms native to earth.

She pulled the blankets tighter, and told herself "It's just thunder. Nothing bad is happening."

Before long, the thunder storm exhausted itself, and the barn was filled with nothing but the sound of Paulette sobbing about how she had lost a piece of jewellery, prompting a loud groan from Lapis. If it was going to be a Paulette heavy episode, then she decided that it would be best to go for a night flight to clear her mind and wait for Peridot to come back. At least they could then laugh at it together.

Throwing the blankets off, she jumped down to the main body of the barn and grabbed the keys. A few week's prior, Lapis and Peridot had returned from a venture into Beach City to find that some humans had broken in and were in the process of trashing the place, with two of them even carrying the television down from the mezzanine. At first, they assumed the two Homeworld gems were in costume, and mocked them, with some of the larger humans threatening them. Peridot's attempts to fight back did nothing to scare them until her anger triggered the tools in the building to start attacking the ones stealing the TV. Lapis Lazuli had been sneaking in a slow but steady feed of water to line the walls, before snapping it forwards to grab the rest of them in icy chains. At the power of the very angry gems, they soon attempted to flee and promised to never come back, even giving them their wallets in an attempt to be released from the hold of Lapis' water summons and Peridot's ferrokinesis.

Regardless of their promises, when they told Steven he got Greg round as soon as possible to get a lock fitted, and made them swear to him that they would remember to lock the doors.

The money was a nice surprise, and the pair eventually decided upon giving Greg half of it as a thanks for being given the barn, then used the remaining half at Beach City Funland, using their combined powers to win an obnoxious amount of prizes.

Slipping the string with the key on over her head, Lapis began to walk over to a clearer patch of land where she could take off. It was then when she heard footsteps approaching the barn, and quickly hid in one of the bushes. Though it was dark, she could just about see a shadowy figure approaching the door.

Jasper?

Surely not, but Lapis' heart began to pound regardless, and she wondered how easily it would be to escape without being noticed. But then, it might _not_ be her either…

It was impossible to tell. That is, it was impossible to tell until the figure knocked on the door, and called out Lapis' name.

"Pearl?" Lapis muttered, more to herself than anything else.

"Lapis? Where are you?" Pearl said, and activated her gem to light the area where she had heard Lapis' voice. "Oh! Why are you hiding in a bush?"

"I was about to go for a fly when I saw someone approaching the barn. What else was I supposed to do?" she shrugged, an embarrassed smile on her face.

"I'm so sorry!" Pearl gasped, hands flying to her mouth in horror. "I didn't mean to scare you."

"It's fine," dismissed Lapis. "I'm just really jumpy."

"Well anyway. I came out here to tell you that Peridot is staying over at ours tonight. She was very insistent on letting you know so you wouldn't get worried… You're welcome to come over and stay as well, as always," Pearl said, and Lapis chuckled at how strangely thoughtful Peridot was being as of late. She was an unexpectedly good friend. Pearl then began to wring her hands together. "And I figured you might be a little lonely out here by yourself, especially considering how upset you were earlier. It's not good to let it eat away at you."

How had Pearl known?

"I'm fine," Lapis replied, then wondered why she said she was fine when she most definitely was not. Well, she knew why; she did not want to burden Pearl with her problems. She had gotten into them herself and would have to deal with them herself, regardless of what Steven said.

"Lapis, there's nothing wrong with not being okay. You don't have to tell us anything if you don't want to, but don't feel like you have to bottle things up. Not that I'm one to talk," Pearl said with a self deprecating laugh. "But I've blabbed on about enough of my problems to you over the millennia, the least I could do is return the favour."

Lapis bit her lip and considered the pearl's offer.

"You're right. I'm not fine," Lapis admitted, flushing. "I'm just... I'm on edge all the time about Jasper. I fused with her, I know that she's not going to stop until she's fused with me again..."

"Let's go inside while we talk," suggested Pearl, and once Lapis had unlocked the door with fumbling hands, she let herself be led through the door by a soft hand at her waist. "You really don't have to stay out here if you don't feel safe. We would be happy to find you somewhere else to stay."

"No, I don't want to let her win. This is my house," Lapis said firmly. "I like it here, I like Beach City and being next to the sea, and living in the barn with Peridot. She'll follow me wherever I go so I may as well stay here."

"That's fair. I'm glad you like it here at least," Pearl smiled. "Maybe getting away for a little bit would help though."

"I guess... I just don't like being too far away from you guys. I know I can't fight off Jasper on my own," she admitted,

"Well, I'm sure there will be another opportunity for you to come on training session with Steven and I," she replied. "Though…"

Pearl's expression then soured.

"What?"

"It's nothing. I just remembered that we won't be going on any trips any time soon… or at least not just Steven and I."

"Oh."

"If something comes up I'll let you know though."

They sat in silence for a little while, the sound of the tap dripping filling the air.

"Could you teach me to read?" Lapis blurted out, before her mind caught up with her mouth. "If you want."

Why had she said that?

"Really?" Pearl's face lit up. "Oh, I'd be delighted! I think I've still got the curriculum I was going to use for Steven, and if not then I have the older lessons I taught to the Crystal Gems."

Pearl's response was entirely unexpected, and Lapis did not know what to make of it, but was pleased none the less.

"In fact, since Garnet is watching over Steven for tonight, we could probably get started tonight," Pearl decided. "Give me a second and I'll get everything ready."

Before she knew it, Lapis had found herself sat on a bean bag before the chalkboard, a notepad and paper in her hands.

"Right!" the pearl said in a tone that was almost singing. "Let's start with the alphabet…"

* * *

 **A/N:** This chapter was a lot longer than I realised ono

I've had some really cute ideas for things to put into this! Thanks for the reading and writing lesson suggestion TheBookWorm106! There'll be more of them in the future uwu Again, if there's anything people would love to see in this please let me know and I might get it in c:

Thanks for reading! 38)


	4. In which Lapis learns to write

Seeing Pearl beyond just a face in a mirror was still strange for Lapis, and she often found herself zoning out as the other gem spoke, forgetting that in the real world you had to actively pay attention the whole time you were engaging in a conversation. Habits learned over thousands of years were hard to kick though, but Lapis wanted to learn to read so put all her effort into focussing. Listening to Pearl sing the ABCs to her when she forgot a letter would have felt patronising from anyone else, but Lapis knew that her heart was in the right place.

Evidently she had taught other gems to read English before, as Pearl was incredibly patient and knew exactly where Lapis would trip up.

"Isn't it dumb how we can speak whatever language we need to, but we can't automatically read it?" Lapis commented while scribbling wonky letters on a work sheet. Beneath Pearl's perfect cursive handwriting, Lapis Lazuli's characters looked awful, but Pearl praised them nonetheless.

"Yes, I've had that comment a lot," Pearl laughed. "I think any gem learning to read gets it, though I've heard it's harder when you don't know gem."

Lapis shrugged.

"That would make sense."

"You're doing well though! You should be proud of yourself,"

"Well I already knew a little bit," dismissed Lapis, flushing at the compliment.

"Regardless, you're doing well considering!" she smiled, then leaned a little closer and whispered, "You would not _believe_ how long it took some of the Crystal Gems to learn how to read."

"I do remember you complaining about… Snowflake was it?"

"Yes," Pearl's smile widened, before she looked into space, thinking back to her days as a member of the rebellion. "I think I spent about a century on and off teaching her to read."

"She never learnt did she?"

"Let's just say I gave up after she couldn't be bothered to learn even the _alphabet_ after several decades," Pearl pouted, and Lapis giggled at the expression. "What?"

"If you can't learn the rhyme, you don't deserve my time. That was your classes motto, wasn't it?" Lapis asked, and wondered at what point Pearl would simply be unnerved at how much the blue gem remembered from her time in the mirror.

"You know, I'd completely forgotten that," she replied, a nostalgic look upon her face. "A lot of gems joined the classes in an attempt to suck up to Rose, since I was her second hand woman. It didn't work, of course, but that didn't stop them from interrupting everyone else."

These were all stories Lapis had heard before, but she did not mind being told them again. If anything, listening to Pearl talk about her daily annoyances was a comfort, as it was something she had heard so many times before in the mirror, and had always given her a connection to reality when she was feeling lost.

"I guess I should be honoured to get one on one lessons from you then," she snorted. "All those lesson plans you rehearsed to me kinda helped a bit though."

Once Lapis reached the end of the paper, Pearl went through the characters again, showing her the correct movements for each letter, but due to all the recent traumas her hands were too shaky for the perfect, smooth lines of Pearls letters. As the sun began to peek its way in through the cracks in the walls, they decided to call it a night, and pushed the blackboard back to the corner of the barn.

"Thanks," said Lapis. "This has already helped a lot."

"My pleasure!" Pearl replied, dusting the chalk off her hands. I'll try my best to come over again later this week. If you want to continue the lessons, that is."

"Yes," she nodded, then rubbed her eyes, the detailed work tiring them.

"Well, I think it's time for me to head back now. Steven is insisting that Peridot tries some pancakes once they're all up," said Pearl, then continued with barely concealed pride. "And said that _I_ make them the best."

"Pearl, you don't even eat. How can you make it properly?" Lapis giggled. "I'm pretty certain that you're supposed to taste it as you go."

"Cooking is easy," she dismissed, a confident smile on her face as she opened the barn doors. "As long as you follow the recipe properly then there's no way it can go wrong."

"I've never tried it," Lapis admitted.

"Well I never had much motivation myself until Steven came along," shrugged Pearl. "But it's almost like a simple form of engineering. You combine different elements in specific amounts, resulting in an end product. I've found it enjoyable, and Amethyst and Steven are always excited to try my recipes."

"I would try some, but the thought of eating is still disgusting," Lapis smiled.

"That's perfectly understandable! I've still not wrapped my head around the appeal of food... well, digestion anyway..."

They both scrunched up their faces in disgust at the thought.

"I'd best be off now anyway."

"Would you like a lift?" offered Lapis.

"No thank you. It's a lovely day today so walking would be nice," Pearl replied. "You're more than welcome to join me, though."

"Sure,"

"We really should get a warp pad out here though. I'm sure flying Peridot about all the time gets very boring,"

"Heh, you know it," Lapis snorted, locking the door. "You sure you don't want to fly at least a little bit of the way?"

"Well if those clouds in the distance are rain clouds, then we might have to."

Luckily for Pearl, the sun stayed shining for the entire walk, but did little to remove the autumnal chill in the air. The walk itself was uneventful, with much of it spent with Lapis asking questions about the seasons, and why the plants were all dying. Pearl, of course, explained it in the long, overly complicated manner that she was known for but Lapis did not mind. In fact, she felt strangely light for the duration of the walk, and she wondered if the exhaustion was affecting her in a new way, ultimately deciding to ask Steven about it later.

They were almost at Beach City when a human approached in the distance.

"Hey Pearl!" she said when she got close enough. "Oh, who's your friend?"

"This is Lapis, she's staying with us," Pearl said with a smile. "This is Kiki, her family run the pizza shop in Beach City."

"So you're the famous Lapis! Steven's gone on about you _so_ much,"

"All good I hope?" Pearl laughed.

"Pff, as if Steven would ever talk down someone,"

"Hi, Steven's spoken about you loads too," Lapis replied shyly. "Did he really go into your dreams to fight off food monsters?"

"Oh that!" Kiki flushed, embarrassed. "Yeah that was true. I've never met anyone like that boy. Anyway, I don't want to keep you and I've got a ton of pizzas to deliver too. See you around!"

The girl then jogged off, and the pair continued their walk to the temple.

"Well, here we are. Would you like to come in? I'm sure the others would appreciate it,"

"Like I said to Peridot, I don't think Amethyst or Garnet like me very much. I mean, I did try to drown Steven and all…" she said, then upon seeing Pearl frown, added, "It's fine, I've got stuff to do."

It was a lie, and as soon as she said it, she could tell that Pearl knew full well she was lying as well.

"I can't speak for Amethyst, but I know for sure that Garnet doesn't hate you. I mean, we took in Peridot, didn't we?" Pearl snorted. "We've all done things in our pasts which we would sooner forget."

Lapis held onto her arm, feeling awkward and uncomfortable.

"Don't feel like you have to come in, but please, don't worry about upsetting any of us. If anything we want to make amends to _you_ for that whole mirror incident,"

After a few moments of thinking, Lapis decided to face her fears, and nodded.

"I'll come in."

"Really? Wonderful!" Pearl all but danced up the steps, before softly opening the door and sneaking into the kitchen. "I think they're all still asleep. I'm surprised Peridot took to it so quickly in all honesty."

"Peridot's asleep?" Lapis asked, equally surprised. While she knew it was an option, it was something that only rebels really partook in, and even then most of them did not try it; the notion of 'dreaming' was terrifying to gems.

"She's young and impressionable I guess," Pearl mused. "I tried it a few times after… well anyway, dreaming was as awful as all of the rumours said."

"Steven reckons I should try it. Apparently I look exhausted or something," Lapis smirked, then decided to sit at the bar section of the kitchen, facing Pearl as she began cooking.

"Right, first we sieve the flour into a mixing bowl," Pearl narrated as she poured a fine white powder into what looked like a fine metal net to Lapis.

"Flower? They don't look much like flowers…"

"No no, this flower is spelt differently. Flowers the plants are f-l-o-w-e-r, and this is f-l-o-u-r. It is a milled grain, and they're the seeds flowers produce."

"So, flowers make flour?"

"In a sense, yes,"

Lapis rested her forehead in the palm of her hand.

"Why is earth so confusing?"

Pearl stifled a giggle, then murmured the next part of the recipe, conscious of the fact that there were three sleeping gems a few metres away.

"Once the flour is sifted, we make a little well in the middle and crack the eggs into that well."

"What are eggs?" Lapis wrinkled her nose when she saw Pearl cracking them. "Are you just going to throw the outside away?"

"You don't really use the outside. They're… uhh, well you get them from chickens."

"What are chickens?"

Pearl pouted, before getting an idea and dashed off to grab Peridot's tablet.

"Here, I'm sure she won't mind that you're using it," Pearl said, typing words into the search bar, before handing it to Lapis, a video playing.

The blue gem watched it in silence, before commenting, "They sound very upset."

"Oh, that's just the noise they make, I wouldn't worry," she smiled. "The final ingredient from the recipe I have is milk, but I like to add a little melted butter as well. You can have a go at mixing if you'd like."

Pearl turned to grab the ingredients from the fridge, and Lapis began to slowly whisk the ingredients together.

"Milk is produced by cows, and butter is a more solidified version of it, before you ask," winked Pearl, then took the bowl off Lapis and began to whisk it briskly. "If you could slowly add in the milk and butter, that would be very helpful."

Doing as she was told, Lapis added the final ingredients as Pearl mixed the pancake batter until it was smooth. Once it was deemed ready, Pearl set it in the fridge, telling Lapis that it needed to sit for a little bit. Lapis pretended to know what she meant.

"Well, they're still asleep, and probably will be until I wake them. I could show you the temple, if you'd like?" Pearl offered.

"That's okay. I've seen more than enough of it while I was a mirror,"

"Of course. Well, I need to check up on the galaxy warp if you would like to join me for that instead? I'd feel a little rude inviting you out here and then leaving you watching batter set."

"Alright," Lapis replied. Maybe it would be good for her to revisit it again; perhaps visiting it with a Crystal Gem would aid her to feel less fearful of the place where she was broken.

To both of their surprise, Lapis landed near perfectly. The warp pads were still all broken, and there was an unsettling atmosphere to the platform.

"Ever since Peridot came back, and we learnt of Homeworld's continued interest in earth, we've been checking here every morning," Pearl explained as she picked her way over the broken warp pads, her voice muffled by the sound of the waves. "Nothing has been back since Peridot joined us, but with Jasper still on the prowl we need to make sure that she cannot call to Homeworld for help."

"Hm," Lapis' heart was pounding as it had when she last visited with Steven, and she clenched her fists tightly in an attempt to control her emotions and return to her usual apathetic state. "That sucks."

Below them, the ocean crashed against the crystalline walls, producing a sonorous ring that pulsed its way through both of their bodies.

Lapis felt ill.

"Did you ever use the warp pads, Lapis?" Pearl was ahead of her by a few paces.

"No,"

Clenching her fists was not helping, and instead she wrapped her arms tightly around herself. That did nothing either.

"Oh! Of course, you can fly," Pearl laughed, and it sounded so out of place in the gloomy space that Lapis almost laughed with her. Almost. "That was a stupid question, sorry."

They continued to walk around the warp pads, Pearl examining each one meticulously. A few of them had Steven's stickers still on them, weathered but whole. Seeing the architecture of Homeworld vandalised by silly, crying food items was poetic justice, Lapis decided, and it helped settle the feeling of unease in her abdomen a little. Overhead were the colours of sunrise, and the first rays of the sun began to bounce off the walls, casting a beautiful, dancing pattern of light on the ocean below.

Lapis was still waging an internal war despite the beauty. Every fibre of her being was telling her to fly away and flee, and she was barely fighting it off.

"Pearl?" Lapis eventually mumbled.

"Yes, what is it?" Pearl turned, and upon taking over Lapis' hunched over form, dashed over to her. "Goodness, are you alright?"

A look of horror then passed over her face.

"Oh God, I completely forgot," Pearl gasped, and immediately turned back to the warp pad that took them there. "Please forgive me, Lapis."

As soon as she was back on the warp pad to the temple, her shoulders dropped from their tense position and the unease she had felt throughout her body left.

"I shouldn't have gone," Lapis pushed her hair out of her face, a hopeless endeavour given the wind in the warp tunnel. "I just don't want those places to keep messing me up, you know?

"Well… I don't want to tell you how to deal with these problems, but I don't know if forcing yourself to confront them head on is the best way," Pearl said.

"Your method of avoiding the problem hasn't seemed to help you over the centuries either though," Lapis replied in a deadpan voice.

"Touché," The pearl sounded annoyed, and Lapis did not blame her; that comment had been too far, but she did not want to on the receiving end of hypocritical advice.

The warp tunnel fell silent save for the wind, and Lapis fixed her gaze upon the walls. Space was just about visible through the walls of the tunnel, and still feeling a slightly flighty from her time at the galaxy warp, she turned to Pearl.

"Do you want to go for a fly?"

"A fly? What do you mean?" Pearl gave her a confused look.

"Out there," Lapis pointed her thumb at the walls. "Quick, before we're back at the temple."

The Pearl pressed her lips together, clearly highly conflicted, then gave a quick nod.

In a matter of milliseconds, Lapis drew water from her bracelets and summoned a full pair of wings, something that would have been impossible in the vacuum of space before Steven's gift, and grabbed Pearl by the wrists and quickly tugged at her until she was being hugged close to Lapis' chest.

"Three, two, one," Lapis counted down, before pushing her wings down hard.

They both screamed at the top of their lungs as Lapis crashed out of the warp tunnel, spinning as they slowly drifted to a stop. The screaming soon broke out into peals of adrenaline fuelled laughter.

"I can't believe you did that!" Pearl's grip was tight around Lapis' neck as she giggled, and Lapis kept her hands at the gem's waist, the strange, light feeling spreading through her body again. Perhaps it was the lack of gravity… "I can't believe _I_ did that?"

From inside the tunnel it had looked like there was space beyond the walls, but they now saw that they were inside an impossibly large sphere, so large that clouds and mist had formed inside, with violent lightning storms in the distance.

"So this is warp space…" said Lapis, but she could barely hear herself over Pearl's giggles. "You really wanted to come out here, didn't you?"

"W-what? Of course not!" Pearl replied indignantly, but she struggled to look stern for long, and before she knew it a smile had cracked through and she was snorting again. "Well, I may have missed space a little bit."

Pearl let go of Lapis and gently pushed away from her before swinging her legs about, gaining the momentum to spin into a graceful backflip. As she watched the pearl spin and flip gleefully, completely at home in the zero gravity, Lapis was suddenly struck by the notion of exactly how unfair it was that Pearl was destined to be a slave... and then promptly pushed the thoughts out of her mind. The Crystal Gem way of thinking was getting to her.

"Lapis!" Pearl cried, and Lapis snapped out of her pondering, concerned until she saw Pearl's big grin and the hand outstretched towards her.

"What?"

"Do you know how to do flips?"

"No, I only ever flew,"

"Come, I'll show you how,"

Lapis took Pearl's hand and was pulled closer, before being held bridal style.

"Are you ready?" asked Pearl, and upon receiving a nod, pushed Lapis until she was spinning about in lazy backflips. After a few rotations, Lapis felt a giggle building up in her chest, and unable to hold it in she began laughing loudly. Flinging her wings down, she snapped out of the spinning and glided towards Pearl, grabbing her hands in her own.

"You want to see what spinning is really like?"

"Lapis, I don't-" Pearl began, before they both broke into shrieks of laughter as Lapis flew in large loops around the warp space. Eager to impress Pearl, Lapis did increasingly daring tricks, going faster and faster with each trick until all of a sudden the momentum ripped Pearl's hands from her own, sending her flying into space.

Immediately, Lapis pushed her wings to send her after Pearl, who was still giggling without a care in the world. She soon caught up, and slid her arms about the gem, who gladly grabbed onto Lapis' neck.

"I'm so sorry, Pearl!" she mumbled. "That was my fault, I shouldn't have done all those tricks."

"You don't need to apologise, that was so much fun!"

"Really?" Lapis was taken aback, expecting Pearl to be upset with her, but the gem's laughter was contagious and they quickly began to giggle together again. Compared to how bitter she was when she spoke to the mirror later on, Pearl seemed utterly carefree out in the warp space and it was easy to see why. There was nothing around them but the fake stars, the storm clouds and each other.

A strange feeling began to spread through Lapis, and it was one she was all too familiar with. A glance at Pearl's now glowing gem confirmed it, and Lapis shoved her back forcefully.

For a few moments the pair just stared at each other as they slowly drifted further apart, the lighting illuminating their shocked expressions for a fraction of a second.

"Is, is that all you Crystal Gems do? Fuse?" Lapis snapped, and the flushed pearl had the same horrified expression she did at the galaxy warp. As the feeling of betrayal wore off, it very quickly dawned that Pearl had not been trying to fuse intentionally, and that Lapis was as much to blame as the other gem. "I… sorry, I shouldn't have said that."

"No no, I'm at fault. I shouldn't have let myself get carried away. I'm sorry, Lapis," Pearl immediately began to close herself off again, and mumbled, "Lets go back. The others are probably awake now."

Not knowing what to say, Lapis simply nodded and took them back to the warp tunnel.

The temple was full of the sounds of video games, and Pearl wordlessly walked to the fridge and began preparing the food, unnoticed by Steven and the gems. Lapis opened her mouth to say something, but decided they could probably do with some time apart, and left.

For the next few days, Lapis continued watching Camp Pining Hearts, bundled up in blankets with a poker face at all times. Her mood was clearly affecting her housemate, who had returned from her sleepover full of vigour about all the human things she had been trying, but after trying to converse with Lapis who replied with one word answers, she soon grew irritable. To be fair, Peridot had tried her utmost to cheer the gem up for days but to no avail, until one afternoon she blurted, "Alright, what do I have to do to stop you moping?"

"What? I'm not moping?" Lapis replied indignantly, and they were both aware that it was the most she had said in days.

"Yes you are!" she insisted, a frown on the smaller gem's face. "I'm sorry I left you to go over to Stevens, but you didn't even want to come over!"

Lapis looked shocked, before breaking down into laughter.

"Peridot, I'm not upset over _that_ ," Lapis pushed her hair away from her eyes, before she realised she admitted to being upset over something else. "I mean…"

"Well if you don't tell me what you're upset about, then how am I supposed to help you?" Peridot snapped, before continuing in a gentler voice. "You're my friend. I don't know what happened the other day, but locking yourself away like this isn't healthy."

Friend? Peridot had never called her that before, and Lapis stared at the floor.

"Lapis, please. I just want to help."

Sighing, Lapis pulled the blankets closer to hide her face, before mumbling, "I almost fused with Pearl."

" _Whaaaaat_?" she shrieked.

"I know; it was a mistake. We were both just laughing and, I don't know!" Lapis giggled nervously. "And then I flipped out at her and I apologised but she's still sad about it."

"Ehh, she doesn't seem too down about it anymore," shrugged Peridot. "She went out with Steven and the other small human this morning on a corrupted gem hunt."

"You walked all the way to the temple?" Lapis raised an eyebrow.

"I used the warp pad. Garnet dropped it off two days ago, but I guess you didn't notice, you clod," Peridot replied, sticking her tongue out at Lapis. "But honestly, I wouldn't sweat if I were you. Just go over and apologise again, and if she doesn't accept it then it's her problem."

"It's not that she doesn't forgive me, it's that she blames herself for it," mumbled Lapis. "I just don't know how I'm going to get through to her!"

"Well just make it obvious that you're not mad at her, duh,"

Lapis stared at the floor, hoping an answer would magically pop into her head when one did, and she threw off the blankets before jumping down to the ground floor and rummaging about in all the rubbish.

"I'm glad you've taken my advice but I don't think Pearl is going to appreciate a load of junk. That's more Amethyst's territory," Peridot commented, then began laughing at her own joke.

"Pearl was teaching me to read and write the other day, so if I write her a letter that would work," Where had the paper and pens gone? Lapis could have sworn Pearl had put them somewhere easy to find. "Right?"

"Sure, if you want to be outdated and cheesy,"

"Why am I even taking advice from you?" Lapis said with a roll of the eyes, then found what she needed, and began to scrawl out a message, tongue sticking out of the corner of her mouth. "There. How's that?"

"Uhh…" Peridot read the letter, then glanced at Lapis' hopeful face and decided that she would not nit pick over the horrendous spelling. "It's fine! Nothing wrong."

"Alright," Lapis headed for the door and drew water from her bracelets to form her wings. About to set off, she suddenly caught a glimpse of Peridot in the corner of her vision and turned to face her. "Thanks, Peridot. You're… you're a good friend."

Lapis left before Peridot had a chance to reply, embarrassed but pleased. While the letter was, in all honesty, a bit cheesy, Lapis was happy with it, and confident that it would help both of them.

The sun was beginning to set as Lapis knocked on the door, and inside she could see Pearl and Garnet panicking about something, their voices raised and nervous. Beside them were a human, Steven and Amethyst, talking about something amongst themselves. It seemed as if no one had heard the door, and Lapis wondered if she should leave and come back later when Garnet saw her.

"Doors open," the fusion called, and Lapis let herself in.

Clutching the letter tightly to her chest, Lapis took a few steps into the room, staying close to the door.

"Is this a bad time?" she asked, not knowing what else to say at the frantic glances the gems were exchanging.

"Is that Lapis Lazuli?" whispered the human she did not know to Steven, and she decided it was probably Connie, his friend.

"Lapis! Yes, um, would it be alright if you came back later tonight? We've got a bit of a problem at the moment," said Pearl wringing her hands together, and Lapis knew instantly that something had gone very wrong on the mission Steven had just been on.

"Is everything okay?"

Awkward silence filled the room again, until Garnet whispered something to Pearl.

"Um, would you like to come outside with me for a second?" said Pearl, walking towards her.

"Okay?"

Shutting the door silently behind her, Pearl then led Lapis down the steps to the beach, still wringing her hands together nervously and began to pace.

"Pearl, what's wrong?" Concerned, Lapis stood before the other gem, stopping her pacing.

"I… well…" stammered Pearl. "Uh…"

"Just spit it out, I can take it."

"Connie and Steven met Jasper on their training today," Pearl finally admitted, and and an awful heavy feeling began to spread through Lapis' chest. "She's gathering corrupted gems to make an army. She thinks that Steven is Rose, and wants to fight him."

"She _what_?" Lapis said through gritted teeth. It was bad enough having Jasper at large wanting to form Malachite again, but wanting to _kill_ Steven? "She'll have to get through me first."

"Well, we're trying to figure out a plan of action," Pearl looked exhausted, but a look of pride then passed over her face. "You should have seen Steven and Connie though, they were amazing. They remembered all of their training!"

"At least he won't be a sitting duck… Wait. She didn't hurt any of you, did she?"

At her concern, Pearl smiled. "No, we all escaped without a scratch."

"Just don't underestimate her. Even at her weakest when we were Malachite, she was still strong."

"Don't worry. We've dealt with her sort before," dismissed Pearl. "Anyway, what was it that you came here for?"

"Oh! It seems a bit silly now..." Lapis avoided Pearl's gaze while trying her best to hide the letter. "It doesn't matter."

"Are you sure?" Despite her best efforts, Pearl soon spotted the paper clutched to Lapis' chest. "Oh, did you have a letter for someone? I can give it to them if you'd like."

Caught out, Lapis simply shifted her arms and held the letter towards Pearl.

"It was for you. It doesn't really matter now though."

Surprised, Pearl took it from her and unfolded the paper, reading it with a bit of a squint due to the near illegible characters.

'qerl im sori i snaqed at yu. yu didnt deserv it. frum lapis'

"Hopefully it's legible. I probably messed up the letters really badly all over. I mean-"

"Lapis, thank you," Pearl had a big smile on her face, and Lapis felt so relieved she was almost light headed. "I was so worried you thought I was taking advantage of you!"

"It's fine, I shouldn't have shouted. I just… I really know nothing about healthy fusions, and I don't want to burden you with all the baggage from my other fusion…" Lapis folded her arms over her chest again, clearly uncomfortable until Pearl lightly rested a hand on her arm. "It's a lot."

"If you think it could help you, then I would be more than happy to fuse with you," she offered, and Lapis' face lit up with a flush. "I said I wanted to help you, didn't I?"

"Well, I…" Lapis was at a loss of what to say to the pearl after that. "How was my writing?"

"Oh, well you mixed up the P and Q's, and the spelling was wrong in places, but you did a great job considering you only had your first proper lesson the other day," Pearl folded the letter up and put it inside her gem. "I look forward to your next letter."

"Well you'll have to teach me a little more first," Lapis replied dryly, though the smile on her face let Pearl know she had no ill intent.

"Garnet and I are going to be busy for the next few days, but if there's time I'll try to come round and teach you a little more."

"Alright, see you later." Lapis summoned her wings and shot into the sky. While a large part of her was worried about Jasper's activities, there was another part that was rejoicing at how well it had gone with Pearl. When her mind began to drift off to the time they spent in warp space, Lapis quickly shook her head to clear the thoughts away.

* * *

 **A/N:** Completely forgot to post this one sorry! Anyway I'm going to be working on another chapter of Saltwater Room next, but hopefully another update won't take too long :)

Thanks for reading! c:


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